Ooh just remembered one... A village near Clitheroe
In some moment of madness, me and the ex decided to go somewhere random for a weekend break, and instead of being normal people and going to a nice place like parts of Wales or Cumbria and such, we instead decided to go to a place close to Clitheroe. No idea why.

Don't worry if you've never heard of it. I hadn't.

It was more of a village outside Clitheroe really, somewhere near Pendle Hill (Where they burned a Witch once). Anyhooo, me and the ex were engaging in a dirty weekend in the country at a charming guest house.

Although we had arranged to meet at the guest house for 6.30pm (ish) we arrived at 7:05pm (after a swift pint in town and then a cab)and was immediately scolded by the odd woman who occupied the guesthouse.

'You said you would be here for 6.30pm'

'Sorry we er.. had to wait for a cab'

* Frown * - scrutinising my soul with an undead-type of stare, her nostrils possibly detecting booze particles. I was trying not to breath (fearing she may not actually allow us to stay, as presumably we'd missed the advertisement that said - No alcohol to be consumed anywhere ever, and do not DARE to be late).
She also mentioned or now i think about it threatened that she had a husband too, but neither of us ever saw him.

She didn't take too kindly to me and the ex having different surnames but she showed mercy and allowed us to stay (I mean we were in our mid twenties for christs sake.

Anyway, the rest of the stay consisted of plenty of shagging, staining the bed clothes with strawberry juice and red wine, which we for some reason declines to mention to the mad woman and hid under the quilts.

We (and i'm getting to the point here now, and if you're still with me then thankyou) ventured into the village for a pint on the first night.
The pub was quite quaint and homely, i.e everyone watched us from beyond their pints and the ONLY bloke who was talking, and i shit you not here was obviously the local butcher who's only converstion line was steak, gammon, beef and other various meat related topics.

Not that scary at first glimpse, but when you come back to top up your beers after two games of pool in the bar, to come back to find the same man is still talking about beef, gammon, chops, ham etc etc and everyone else was silently engrossed in his loud butchery diatribe.

Not that funny, but it spooked me a little. My girlfriend later visited the ladies room and told me he was STILL talking about meat!

The next day we visited a ruined fort type building in Clitheroe, and had some magic mushrooms and tripped our nuts in the gardens, giggling like kids, then after a couple of hushed, cheek biting pints, sniggering through our noses at the fact that we were off our heads in a strange village that consisted of mostly farmers, butchers and a very strict land lady. We had fun and eventually made it back to our room unseen and passed out after indulging ourselves.

The next morning she drove us back to the train station and started shouting at me because us 'townie types' are "always defending the foxes, have you ever SEEN the mess they leave in a chicken coop!!!??"

'No?'

* Frown*

'Well you should do...........!'

As though it was my fucking fault that foxes killed their chickens.
She finally dropped us off and drove away.
On that conversation alone, i dared not mention the strawberry and wine stains on the bed :)

* Length? - Medium rare.

True story.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 0:41, 9 replies)

I tried to go to Clitheroe once...
...But I couldn't find it and my wife got really upset...
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 0:49, closed)

Probably for the best mate

(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 3:58, closed)

Witches
No witches were burnt in Pendle. Several people (mostly women) were taken to Lancaster, tried for witchcraft, and hanged.

Some of the pubs are a bit like that, though. On the other hand, farmers have better things to do than ponce about chasing foxes on horseback. Like shoot them.
( le brian, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 5:10, closed)

The Village In Question...
Wouldn't be Sabden, would it?

I grew up there...
(caescarna Hell's Roomba, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 8:05, closed)

And The "Ruined Fort" Type Building....
Would be Clitheroe Castle...
(caescarna Hell's Roomba, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 8:05, closed)

Describing it a castle
is really pushing the boundaries of the word 'castle' to the extremes.
(Crompton, Sun 1 Nov 2009, 13:49, closed)

I haven't been back for a few years
Has The Wellsprings closed and reopened as something else yet again?
( le brian, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 9:19, closed)

The Wellsprings
When I was up in Pendle earlier this year it had been reopened as some kind of Italian / Spanish Restaurant ISTR.
(caescarna Hell's Roomba, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 11:30, closed)

So, it's a town, is it?
I was hoping it was a bit like Guitar Hero, but for people with girlfriends
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 9:58, closed)