Hobbitt Freak Brothel Man
At my last residence we had an absoloute loon living next door.

He looked like a hobbittt who'd lost a headbutting contest with John Merrickk and had some of the worst home made tattoo's, including the obligatory love & hate on the knuckles, ever seen.

Over the four years we lived there he;

told us of tales of how he loved to spend hours in his loft reading his war magazines and drinking vodk as, quite fucking rightly, his missus wouldn't let him drink. If that wasn't worrying enough me and the missus could hear him scurrying around at all hours in his loft. Anyone ever seen shallow grave?

took great joy in bringing round a very decomposing rat after it was found that that had been the reason our drains were blocked.

Greeted me at our street party during the Queens golden jubilee with the immortal words "don't worry if you've seen a few strange women round my house, I've been getting some pro's in as the wife doesn't do it for me'

After finding out that my big brother had joined the pigs he went into great lengths detailing his criminal record. Which included a series of stabbings when "he wasn't very well"

Once turned up at my door, at 3 am, with flowers from MY garden and half a bottle of blue nun. When asked WTF you doing here he asked if he could ask out my wife's best mate who was staying the night. He'd seen her out the window and she 'looked his type'. Plenty of loft scurrying that night I can tell you.

Regularly rummaged through my bins as, after I finally caught him red-handed, he admitted I "threw away better shit than the missus bought" before i caught him he blamed foxes.

Regularly littered the gardens in our close with broken glass and rusty nails to stop the local kids playing football

But the best was when he turned his house into a bonafide brothel - I kid you not. I was once asked by some mac wearing nonce whether or not I had an appointment as, since he had an hour before the wife got back from tesco's, he wanted half hours worth with the new girl.

I put my house on the market the day I found he got sent down for 6 months - just long enough to move without him knowing where I was going and the new owners meeting the guy first.
(Let's all have an asbo, Thu 25 Aug 2005, 13:42, Reply)