Living in a flat, we have several 'neighbours'
First is Beryl across the hall, who can be heard loudly 'mewing' to her cat.....the fact she doesn't have a cat doesn't seem to put her off.

Then there's 'shouty bloke' upstairs, who can be heard arguing very loudly at all hours of night and day.
It must only be the voices in his head he shouts at, as there is never another voice to be heard.

'Blind bloke'(he is blind, it's not just a clever nickname) regularly goes to the nearby pub (about 30yd from the front door), get's arseholed, then spends the next couple of hours bouncing off of cars in the car park untill someone finally leads him in the right direction of the flats entrance.
When asked which lift he wanted to get to his floor, (one for even numbered floors, one for odd), and which floor he wants, he'll always answer "Any, doesn't matter"

Finally, we come to 'Crazy Pete' A man who is actually convinced he's Ozzy Osbourne's brother, and will kick the fuck out of you if you so much as hint that you don't also love Ozzy (but don't overdo it, as "no-one loves Ozzy as much as I do", promptly followed by a kicking)
He's around 5'1", has a foot long ginger beard and a bald head covered in Ozzy tattoos and scars....the scars are from where he will bottle himself for no particular reason.
(chriswakey, Thu 25 Aug 2005, 14:55, Reply)