This was shortly before I moved out of my dads place, there I was stiing with a friend of min at about 4 in the morning watching an episode of the love boat featuring The Hoff and I was trying to figure out how to get into her pants
Suddenly there's a loud thumping at the door, I go out, open the inner door and hear a woman shouting my name and my dads name.

I open the outer door and see my neighbour from down the street, she's in her early thirties and not unattractive, however she's also wobbling around like a one legged belly dancer and holding a baby.

First she tries to barge into the house, but I politley keep her out and after a bit I manage to determine that she's locked out of the house.

So I'm thinking I have a few skills in the getting-into-locked-houses-department, so I walk her down the street (I decided to carry the baby before she dropped it).
Halfway down the street she falls into a hedge. I pick her out and she hugs me, saying stuff like
"You're a good boy aren't you, you're not rude to your dad, you treat people nice"
and I'm like "yeah uh huh whatever"

So I get her down to her house only to discover that she's not locked out, the front door is wide open.

By this point my spider sense is tingling more than a little.

I get her into the living room, sit her down on the sofa before she falls down again, put the baby on the sofa and I'm starting to think about maybe getting one of her sons to put the baby to bed or something when she stands up, grabs me and says "here give us a kiss" she's about to plant one on me when

*DING!*

I remembered her husband, her massive husband, he's over six feet tall, half as wide and could punch a donkey through a wall.

I ducked out of the way, twisted her round so she fell back on the sofa, dived outside and dashed (barefoot) back up the street.I never thought I'd be so glad to see the love boat or The Hoff in my life.

I didn't get into my friends pants that night, but when I eventually did, I did genuinely have to apologise for length.

You lot don't get the same respect, you'll just have to put up with it.

Thank you and goodnight.
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Thu 25 Aug 2005, 20:10, Reply)