drugs and ceramic fish
several years ago, i was involved with a rather odd bloke named paul. now, paul was - and still is - something of a pot fiend. he would smoke it every day. before i come across as a bit holier-than-thou, let me say that i used to smoke it, too. not to the same extent as him, but i don't want to get into the whole pot/kettle/black thing.
one particular night, paul told me that he'd been talking to one of his friends, who'd told him that he could make himself faint whilst smoking weed, which he believed would be fun. the method for this was fairly simple: crouch down on the floor, with your back against the wall. slide up the wall to an upright position, whilst taking a huge drag of a spliff. exhale sharply, whilst someone(me) pushes on your chest, expelling all the air from your lungs. hey presto! you faint!
to say i was sceptical would be an understatement, but i agreed to help him in his quest for unconsciousness.
before we began, paul turned to me and said "when i faint, make sure you catch me, i'll most likely fall forwards." i agreed to catch him and we started.
all went according to plan, right up until the point where his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he quickly slithered sideways. as i was expecting him to fall forwards, i missed him. he crashed into the t.v, before falling headfirst onto a large ceramic fish. lying on the floor, twitching like a paraplegic breakdancer, he was starting to worry me a little. i shook him, calling his name, until he opened his eyes.
"are you okay?" i asked. he looked at me with a rather stunned expression and mumbled "fish".
try as i might, i just couldn't be concerned for his safety at that point, i was far too busy laughing at the stupid fucker.
to this day, he still says it was my fault he hit that fish.

length? 30 seconds of twitching followed by an hours' laughing
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 17:56, 6 replies)

We used to call this a 'riser'
It gets you pretty fucked, but I can't imagine it's too healthy; quite a few times I've spazzed out on the floor to the worry of my mates.

I gave up doing that kinda stuff when I left school.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 20:28, closed)

he still does it
he's 41. this is why he sweeps the floor in macdonald's.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 20:32, closed)

Had a similar mate
Many years ago.

Bill Stunt we called him (after the brand name of his supercheap budget jeans of all things!)

Always totally skint and on the scrounge.

One evening where we were having a hot knife session, Billy Stunt arrived ... sans money, weed or indeed anything as usuall.

Feeling a little mean, we told Billy he could indeed have a free hotknife if he did 10 in a row. If he failed his punishment would be to be stripped to his crusty underwear and thrown out of the door.

Fair Do's he made it to eight in the short space of 20 mins (and we were loading them too) but on the 9th he disgraced himself by letting off a huge hippy lentil fueled fart.... with benefits! ... filling up his Bill Stunt brand jeans with efluent and being chucked out of the door anyway!. No one fancied stripping the gibbering beshitted hippy down as the deal demanded.

The toad slept the rest of the night in a befouled heap on our doorstep

And whined outside in the morning for hours for us to let him in to clean up before he finaly buggered off to wherever it is that hippies live!
( RadG Drinking Mojitos in the sun, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 20:56, closed)

hahahaha!
oh yes, sounds very much like him! he used to live on toast and cheap cookies. seriously, he spent a fiver a week on shopping and the rest went on weed, which he would hide in the false bottom of one of his shoes. then he'd go to his mates' houses and smoke all their weed. he was known as CTM, which stands for Creepy Thin Man. the only reason he hasn't died of starvation is that maccy's give him a free meal every day.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 21:30, closed)

Every town has a stunt hippy!
Another Bill stunt special

For a time he was homeless, so we let him live behind the base bins (large amplifiers) we stored at the back of the large living room we had at the time.

He would sleep on top of the base bins and happily hoover up any spare smoke, food, drinks etc.

One day though we noticed he was a bit quiet and was moaning to himself. Turns out the daft sod had not eaten anything for 4 days and was to embarrassed to say anything.

We felt a bit guilty, after all it felt a bit like neglecting a pet, so we fed him up on chips, kebab and strongbow until he felt better.

He was obviously very pleased about that, because the next night he shinned up the 40 foot flagpole outside toysRus in town and cut down the "geffory girrafe" flag and presented it to us as a trophy!

I still wonder what happened to Billy Stunt? Not seen or heard of him for 15 years!
( RadG Drinking Mojitos in the sun, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 21:58, closed)

pfff!
paul would sneak food. not in a stealing way, but if you fed him, he would slip bits of food into his pockets to take home for later. i've seen him eat a chicago town microwave pizza that he'd had in his coat pocket for 6 hours!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 22:38, closed)