More baby hilarity
The other day, mr vitC was changing our son's nappy before bed time. As he did so, our delightful child pissed right up in the air, hitting mr vitC all over his face and down his front. Naturally, I fell about laughing, especially as baby had a mischievous grin upon his face.

Mr vitC asked me to take over so he could change his top, so over I went, still laughing, and tickled baby on his tummy, saying 'ha ha, you really got daddy, didn't you?!' As I lent down to kiss his soft little cheek, he vomited, and shat at the same time, covering my face in sick, and my hand and much of my arm, plus the wall behind the changing mat, in shit. I heard my baby boy laugh for the first time that day, although it was somewhat spoiled by my other half actually weeping with laughter as I dripped excrement and regurgitated milk over the baby.

It's over a week later, and mr vitC still dissolves into giggles every so often remembering it. The bedroom wall still has a faint 'baby-faeces-motif' to it.
( ascorbate, Sun 20 Dec 2009, 12:09, 10 replies)

I nominate this for the winner.

(tjn whizzing on the electric fence of life, Sun 20 Dec 2009, 13:37, closed)

It just goes to show...
...you can never have enough wet-wipes and muslin squares.

Your story and the fact I'm shit at football makes me grateful i had daughters
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Sun 20 Dec 2009, 14:18, closed)

Baby girls can do the projectile poo and sick though
and they can do a nasty stealth-wee if you hold them for even a minute without a nappy.

I had two of each sex and spent many years being baby-soiled in various ways.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 20 Dec 2009, 17:41, closed)

Fair point...
...I was forgetting the Rapidly Expanding Stealth Puddle, followed by the Grabbing of the end of the mat and lifting, in order to bathe the shoulder blades of your bundle of joy.
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Sun 20 Dec 2009, 18:41, closed)

My eldest once did a stealth nappy-leak runny poo into my pocket
which I didn't discover until I tried to pay for a newspaper later on.

Not a bad trick for a one week-old.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 9:20, closed)

*click*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 22 Dec 2009, 7:54, closed)

THis Week
I've seen the funniest Pic post of year (the Zippy and George origins thing) and now read the funniest story, probably in a good 5 years... your child will no doubt be a fine politician ;0)
(hengushrh is found at the Dole office every second thursday, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:00, closed)

The joys of the night-time nappy change
Wavy lines back nearly 11 years ago and it was my turn to change the piss-filled Pamper in the early hours of the morning. To avoid waking my wife, the bedroom light was off and I was working in the glow of the plug-in night light.
We were doing the job properly in those days, cotton wool and warm water, none of your wet wipes rubbish. I picked my daughters ankles up so I could wash her and gently passed the cotton wool, front to back, over the business end. As the damp pad brushed over the old rusty sheriff's badge, I must have broken the seal, because a millisecond later I looked like I'd been trying to unclog a particularly recalcitrant muck-spreader nozzle and had succeeded beyond my wildest dreams.
Needless to say, I woke the wife, who somehow managed to finish cleaning up our daughter, while pissing herself laughing at me decontaminating in the shower.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:50, closed)

ah, the stealth piddle
young vitamin is excellent at these - i often pick him up from the changing mat to find he's drenched. there's no stealth to his bowel movements though...
( ascorbate, Tue 22 Dec 2009, 11:12, closed)

jet of baby poo
This reminds me of the time when friends of ours brought their baby daughter over, and were changing her on the floor in the sitting room opposite the fire.

Whilst chatting away and leaving their first born writhing about without a nappy on, she decided to have her revenge and managed to literally shoot a jet of poo all over the fireguard, at least 2 foot away.

Took a while to sponge it out of the fire grill, but we were all quite impressed by this fecal feat.
( flapmeister knows where your mum lives, Tue 22 Dec 2009, 13:24, closed)