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This is a question School Assemblies

Our school assemblies were often presided over by the local vicar, who once warned us of the dreadful dangers of mixing with "Rods and Mockers". One of the cool teachers laughed. Tell us about mad headteachers and assemblies gone wrong.

Inspired by the mighty @Rhodri on Twitter

(, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 12:43)
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When we were at primary school
My friend George was so shy that he would do almost anything to avoid attention. This unfortunately led to a series of disasters because he did silly stuff – most noticeably queuing up for gym class naked because that was somehow preferable, in his mind, to admitting that he’d forgotten his kit.

Anyway. My favourite memory was when he held a fart in for so long in assembly, sitting on the floor as our genteel Scottish headmistress read a bible story, that eventually his fart literally whistled out through clenched buttcheeks, with a sound like a boiling kettle. He was sat there still cross-legged and visibly straining, with a face like an angry Buddha.

It was so weird that even a large group of 5-9 year olds looked on in stunned silence for a moment before collapsing in giggles. George had to go and sit outside the hall.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 13:33, 4 replies)
' face like an angry Buddha'
lol *clicked*
(, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 14:09, closed)
I once did one of those whistling like a kettle farts.
I've never been able to repeat it since.

Shame really.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 14:47, closed)
This is wonderful.

(, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 15:22, closed)
"George! ...don't do that"
(, Sat 15 Jun 2013, 12:49, closed)

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