The Tale Of Kaol And The School Open Day
I didn't enjoy school very much.
It was mostly full of the stuck-up spawn of City bankers, along with a hefty dose of overseas boarders with massive egos.

Anyway... The worst thing about that place was the fact that we had school on Saturdays.
One-day-weekends are far too brief.

So, once a year there would be an open day which, for most of the group of friends I had, would mean a day off, as we "Did Not Give A Good Impression Of The School".

In my final year, however, I was asked to help out in the Biology department for the open day. I didn't appreciate having to do this, particularly, until I found out that I would be doing "Dissection Demonstrations".

This was fine with me, as I absolutely love cutting things up, and always have done.

Open day rolled around, and I was given a lab coat, a scalpel, a box of blades and a black bin bag, filled with still-born pigs.

I started by doing a standard "pin it to a board, split it open and pin the guts back" dissection, and then decided to get creative.
I took a fresh piglet and carefully set about creating the porcine version of Two-Face from Batman, by removing the skin from one side of it's body.
I got a little bored and took the eye out too.

The head of Biology came over and asked me to carry on with what I was meant to be doing, and not "lark around", so I put the eye back into the pig, and left it nice-side-up on the slab.

About half an hour later some children were walking around the department. They were about ten years old, and with their parents.
They stopped in front of Kaol's Table Of Pig Bits, and were asking questions about what I was doing.

One of them pointed to the half-skinned mess that was curled up on the slab like a freshly-washed miscarriage.

"What's that one? Can I see it?"

I nodded, and grabbed it around the chest, brandishing it towards the kid like a pork-sword.
This had the unfortunate effect of propelling the eyeball towards him, hitting him in the chest and sticking there with part of the optic nerve.

There was a lot of screaming and a fair amount of crying.
Whoops.
( Cawl, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:24, 9 replies)

Foul...repugnant...

But compelling...and funny.

so *click*

Edit: Do you brandish your 'pork-sword' at children often?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:28, closed)

Haha!
I was wondering if anyone would notice that...
Well, I did, but the restraining order but a stop to that :(
( Cawl, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:04, closed)

Sounds revolting.
Click! Particularly for such delightful metaphors as "a freshly-washed miscarriage"
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:30, closed)

Oh you do do the funiest things
Ha!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:31, closed)

*click*
Ha!!!
( SpankyHanky, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:11, closed)

Awww
you cried?

That's so cute!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:35, closed)

Yeah...
To be fair, I spend most of my life crying.
If I was five years younger, I'd be King Of The Emos.
( Cawl, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:52, closed)

I just brandished my cup of tea at my mouth
And you caused me to splutter my hot mouthful all over the desk.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 2 Feb 2009, 12:15, closed)

have a click
Do the army know about this new wonder weapon?
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 4 Feb 2009, 13:32, closed)