It took months for the smell to go away
I'm sorry for this confession.

In hindsight I should have known better but I honestly didn't know this would happen.

I hate seagulls. We didn't even live near the sea. Yet the little buggers were always nicking any food they could out on school playground and being a menace.

Naturally we had to line up each morning outside before being taken inside for registration etc. Of 180 kids who was the 1 who got crapped on by a seagull before morning registration??? Yep, it was me.

I got laughed at and felt humiliated. Revenge would be mine.

We were learning a lot in chemistry, including the wonderful reactions of alkaline metals. Sodium being my favourite due to the large firey reaction with water.

The science classrooms were left empty between lessons as the teachers regularly moved onto to other rooms etc. So I hatched a plan.

I "procured" a bit of sodium one quiet day, not much just about the size of a small rubber, certainly smaller than a box of matches.

I then mixed this up with bread I'd torn into chunky breadcrumbs....

When I hurled it out onto the playground the seagulls swarmed and a handful scoffed the potent treat quickly... then they began to make noise.... a lot of noise. A few flew away onto the closest roof and then got REALLY noisy. One never made it off the ground.... the result I witnessed at ground level still haunts me. The best description I can give is that he "popped". It was almost like a stick of dynamite had gone off inside the seagull and his guts were strewn on the tarmac.

For months the smell of seagull guts wafted from the flat roof above until enough rain had fallen to wash it away.

Seagulls - they're bastards but they're not suitable for chemical experiments.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 13:41, 8 replies)

Danny champion of the School =)

( Steerable_forehead Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration,don't fail me now, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 13:57, closed)

I call bollocks on several grounds
1. You put it in amongst the bread? A rubber-sized lump? So how did more than one seagull eat it?

2. Maybe you broke it up. Using what? Your hands? You would have been scarred for life. Using something else? How were you not spotted? How did you store it/scatter it?

3. The seagulls didn't die straight away? Not believing that.
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 15:37, closed)

this is utter bullshit.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 15:58, closed)

Seconded
And are you still an over-reacting twerp?
Bit of bird shit FFS
(Bababoon, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 20:15, closed)

You are Shaun Ryder
AICMFP

(start of the film 24 Hour Party People FWIW)
(ChaRleyTroniC is invincible with his chips and cheese, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 16:09, closed)

Baking soda.
Not sodium.
(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Thu 8 Sep 2011, 20:03, closed)

Shaun Ryder..
used poison apparently, not sodium/baking powder.

There are variations of this tale however, the baking powder story is popular, although the playground seagull inflating choice of weapon at my school was Alka-Seltzer.

Either way, a definite contribution to snopes methinks, the same is said for rice: You decide
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 18:43, closed)

Tried Alka-Seltzer
Fuckers didn't pop at all. I was putting it in chips and feeding it to pigeons, but not once did I experience an ill pigeon :(.
(Morrolan, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:07, closed)