Epic catalogue of FAIL
In no particular order…

CDT – we had to come up with a design brief to solve a problem, then build it. I chose a holder for a walkman with handlebar-mounted speakers so that you could listen to music while you cycled. I ended up with a snot-green and fluorescent pink fibreglass abortion that looked like a stunt foetus from the Thriller video, due to a chronic inability to use aerosol paint cans. Oh, and it didn’t have any way of fixing to the bike apart from a load of duct tape. It held the walkman well though… so well that you couldn’t get it out to change the tape.

CDT again – this time, we were making trophies. It was going to be really cool! We got to make the shape out of polystyrene, then it got packed into a sand mould, and molten aluminium poured in. The following week we’d have our trophies ready to mount onto a plinth. I made a shark – I can’t remember why, just thought a trophy in the shape of a shark would be cool – but I made the tail section too thin and during the smelting process it snapped off. So I had to modify my trophy (by sawing off the snapped bit) to make it look like a shark jumping out of the water… except I couldn’t fit it to the plinth, and it went into the bin.

And another CDT one – a toast rack! Surely that can’t go wrong, right? Wrong. How hard can it be to make a flat base, with 12 bits of dowel sticking up? Pretty hard when you get the measurements wrong so end up with 1 bit of dowel about a third the length of the others. Had to cut another one to match, and put them both at one end. Then I varnished it, and took it home… to find that the dowels were too close together and the toast wouldn’t fit in the slots.

Cooking now – how about the time we made Lasagne? Mine was too runny, so I spent about an hour after school walking home (usually a 10-minute journey) at the speed of a snail, trying desperately not to slop the lot out of the side of the dish.

Or how about the time we made cakes? I made a chocolate one and forgot to put the sugar in… it was like a giant cocoa-flavoured biscuit. Only not a very nice one.

Finally, my science project. I decided I was going to do something involving my guitar, which basically ended up being a couple of hours of plugging my guitar into an oscilloscope, looking at the waveforms created when I played notes, not having a clue what they meant or how to print them or anything, and handing in a lavishly illustrated 4 page history of the guitar with a page of "findings" on the end, which my teacher held up in front of the class, proclaiming “This is what to do if you want to fail your science project!”.



I’m surprised I remember to breathe, some days :)
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Sat 15 Aug 2009, 8:43, 4 replies)

Truely lol funny...
"...my teacher held up in front of the class, proclaiming “This is what to do if you want to fail your science project!”.

Could be embarassing for some.
(OMG-Hilarious, Sat 15 Aug 2009, 11:29, closed)

Bless you! :D
The cake thing reminded me of some lad at school accidentally using icing sugar instead of flour when making a victoria sponge.

Basically he ended up making 2 large toffee biscuits - they were delicious!
( Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Sat 15 Aug 2009, 12:31, closed)

I was always shite at baking too...
sometimes on purpose :D cock-n-balls shaped gingerbread treats anyone? My teachers were not amused, and my dad didn't know whether to bollock me or give me a fucking medal.
(keyboardman, Sat 15 Aug 2009, 19:21, closed)

.
I like the guitar thing.
I had hardly anything to say about my colourful pendant for the deaf, so I copied 5 pages on how plastic reacts to heat.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 12:45, closed)