from Hilda Ogden to a room full of german schoolgirls in Prague
many moons back it was ITV's 25th anniversary and as part of the celebrations they held a comp to find someone who also had a 25th anniversary on the same day as the first broadcast.

Our infant school teacher won so come the day we were all taken to Granada studios. My mum had made me a packed lunch but my penguin had melted. I cried. I was only 6 though. Anyway on arrival at Granada and I was still gutted at losing the only luxury food item I had out of some fish paste sarnies, and apple and some weakly diluted orange juice in a Donald duck flask. We were corralled into a waiting room.

I was still bleary eyed and soon became the subject of the producers sympathy. So sad was I that she got Jean Alexander (Hilda Ogden) Helen Worth (Gail Tilsley) and Eddie Yates to bring me some choclate biscuits and they spent some time with us cheering me up.

As part of the show we ended up singing hey jude with Russ Abbott.

I was half deaf for days after as I was stood next to the drummer.

Still... not as bad as my mate Rich who had to kiss the teacher on live tv.

24 years later me and a mate are on the final leg of a tour around europe and decided to take it easy and got back to the hotel for nine. We got back and I went out for a smoke on the balcony. All of a sudden there were some girlish giggles and ciggy buts started to drop on the balcony. My mate Rob says, come on lad, lets go and say hello. Can't be arsed says I. so he goes up. A few minutes later a knock on the door. It was Rob all excited - come on mate there's a room full of german students up there.

Fuck, let's get some beers.

we only have enough for the taxi.

Down to reception. Yes they do sell beer.

Where can I get some money? There's a bank just down the road.

We fucking flew down there got about £100 quids worth out, bought a couple of cases and went up to the room above and introduced ourselves.

Sharing the beer around, the lasses were ever so slightly flirtatious.

Despite the language barrier we managed to suss that they were all 18, in their final year of school before conscription and this was their last hurrah.

Where were the lads? in town visiting strip clubs.

Had a fucking great night and having a top laugh when there was a knock at the door and some heavy assed sounding fraulein was outside.

Me and my 32 year old mate were ushered into the toilet where we were standing half cut, in the bathroom, complete darkness pissing ourselves silly and half shitting ourselves that we'd be found out.

The lasses had a severe dressing down and then the party ensued again. We were treated like lords I say, LORDS!

One by one the girls went to bed and then the lads came back so we went onto their room to carry on the session. Perhaps due to lack of motivation on both parts the conversation wasn't as easy - especially as most of their girlfriends had been in our company that night.

Anyway, the universal language of ale championed and we carried on boozing. The highlight of this part being the discovery that one of the lads who was wrecked on the bed had prematurely ejaculated in one of the clubs?

How did we find this out?

bloke does imitation exotic dance

points to the lad asleep

Says 'wiggle wiggle, shakey shakey'

then shakes his beer can and opens it squirting ale onto the PE lad asleep on the bed.
(spike starski, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 23:29, Reply)