Residence Piss-Up
In my first year of university, a bunch of us in my residence decided to hire a yellow school bus and have a night out in the Big City an hour away. The bus driver, probably from the voice of experience, demanded a $50 deposit from us in addition to his fee, to guarantee that nobody would puke on the bus during the ride. Already being hardened drinkers, with no chance of losing our dinners, we laughed at him but had no choice but to cough up the cash.

We were well pre-loaded by the time the bus got there, and spirits were high as we set off down the highway. Naturally about 10 minutes into the journey the need to pee became urgent for most of us, and all kinds of inventive solutions were found for emptying our bladders, from empty beer bottles to condoms (which do quite a nice job of holding piss by the way). Eventually somebody asked the driver if he would stop as there was a desperate need for relief, and he pulled over.

It was a hilarious scene: a yellow schoolbus stopped on the side of the freeway, with about 30 of us dotted around the verge having a slash while a busy stream of traffic raced past. The girls ran for the bushes, but the boys couldn't be bothered and let loose in full sight.

Then back on the road and into the city, where we had a grand time in a bar with a 90-year-old piano player and his 70-year-old wife singing bawdy songs. It was great, and many beverages were enjoyed by all.

The way back, and many of us started to realize that being in a bouncing, vibrating bus while under the effects of some pretty serious alcohol consumption was not the most settling thing for the stomach. It didn't take long to discover that puking out the window led to streamers of nachos & pizza all down the side of the bus, a good part of which found its way back inside through the open windows further back. But being ever-resourceful, we found all kinds of ways to hide our condition from the driver -- we weren't going to lose our $50 deposit for anything.

Then one creative but green-at-the-gills young lady, remembering our pee-break on the way in, went up to the driver with a similar idea in mind. "Could you stop the bus please," she said, "I think I need to...."

BLEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGH!!!!!

All over the floor next to the driver, splattering everybody nearby and causing a yellowish puddle to run up and down the aisle of the bus for the rest of the journey. And that set off most of the others who had managed to keep their jaws clenched up to that point as well. All in all it was quite a messy bus by the time we got home.

We didn't get our deposit back.

It was worth every penny.
(arvana, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 7:01, Reply)