"A squirrel! It's a fuckin' squirrel!"
We keep a drawer brimming with low quality seaside tat (living as we do in a low quality seaside town) in case we have unexpected Christmas visitors bearing gifts. It's like a Secret Santa, as even we don't know what we're going to give people, until the drawer is flung open in panic, and something awful dragged out.

Caught short by several distant family members using our place for a free weekend on the coast, the drawer was empty, and I was forced to improvise when the wife's aunt and her manky old boyfriend came to call.

"Thank buggery they've gone," said Mrs Duck at the end of our ordeal, which was spent with the boyf staring at her chest, non-stop for three hours, "what did you give them?"

"A video."

"Oh Lord. Which one?"

"Flesh Gordon."

"Thank God, you had me worried for a minute."

Low quality VHS smut. The gift that tells unwanted visitors to get to fuck.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 15 Dec 2006, 13:34, Reply)