Dans le parking...
(d'you see what I did there? Pretentious, moi?)
Brake to a stop just a little ahead of a space, snick into reverse and swing the van round neatly in between two cars in the not-even-quarter-full Tesco car park.

Much hooting and beeping from astern, though, and it seems as though the chap in the black X5 is taking exception to my choice of space. Oh well. I got out, and X5-guy rolls down his window.
"Oi, you! That was my space! I was parking there!"
"Oh really, I don't see your name on it, or any other sort of identification. How about parking somewhere else in the acre-and-a-half of tarmac?"
"You need to move, that's my space"
"Well, I've parked it now, so uh, no."
At which tiny small-man-syndrome Weegie X5-jumps out, draws himself up to his full height (still some 4" shorter than me) and says the immortal words:
"Do you know who I am?"
"Nope, but you shop in Tesco so you can't be *that* great."
I glanced pointedly up at the CCTV camera on a pole nearby, plipped the central locking, and strode off across to the store, listening to his irate shouting getting further and further away...
(gordonjcp, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 19:21, 13 replies)

liked
Nicely done. And 'no' is always the perfect answer to 'do you know who I am'.. done society a favour there perhaps.
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 19:29, closed)

And this ensured that the side hidden from the camera was keyed, rather than you getting video evidence of the act?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 19:46, closed)

Okay, I'll ask.
Who was he, did you know or find out?
(Docofair, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 20:40, closed)

No...
... but I'm always a bit worried with things like that, that the next time I see them it will be a photo on the 6 o'clock news as the newsreader says "... thirty-five year old Thomas MacNutjob was last seen talking to a man in a supermarket car park. Police are appealing who may have seen him at that time."
(gordonjcp, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 23:51, closed)

So....
who was he?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 25 Jan 2013, 21:55, closed)

short weegie
So, a Glaswegian of limited stature, that only narrows it down to a few hundred thousand. I'm going to guess Robert Carlyle or Midge Ure as probably only an actor or a singer would have the gall...
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 22:20, closed)

Wasn't Robert Carlyle or Midge Ure
I'd have recognised them. This was some ned-looking wee guy with too much gel and aftershave and a shit car. Oh and that peculiarly red-faced drinks-too-much-smokes-too-much complexion. One of those "wee yappy dog" kind of guys.

In Springburn, that could be *anyone*.
(gordonjcp, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 23:47, closed)

Fucked if I know
Some mouthy wee sod who shops in Tesco.
(gordonjcp, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 23:48, closed)

You sound like my mate Gordon.
Did you once get off with a nurse next door after she caught you taking a shit in the bins?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 21:56, closed)

Was that in Aberdeen?
It doesn't sound like me, but I can't exactly say it definitely wasn't.
(gordonjcp, Fri 25 Jan 2013, 23:45, closed)

Birmingham.
But he's from some shit-end overflow estate outside glasgow.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 26 Jan 2013, 10:47, closed)

Not me then
I'm not from Glasgow or anywhere near.
(gordonjcp, Sat 26 Jan 2013, 17:25, closed)

Anyone who plipps gets my vote
Car park guerrilla
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 25 Jan 2013, 22:56, closed)