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This is a question Inflated Self-Importance

Amorous Badger asks: Tell us tales of people who have a high opinion of themselves. Jumped-up officials, the mad old bloke who runs the Neighbourhood Watch like it's a military operation, Colonel Blimps, pompous bastards and people stuck up their own arse.

(, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 12:22)
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Small man's disease
1995. We lived on Ponsonby Rd. in Auckland, New Zealand: a bit like living in inner city London parking-wise. Inconsiderate assholes parking across our clearly marked driveway were a weekly occurrence. One Saturday morning I need to get my car out but there is a brand new cream Mercedes SEL two door across the driveway. By this stage I had "If you park here again I will flatten all of your fucking tires, OK?" flyers all printed up and ready to go.

I was putting one under his wiper when the expensively dressed shortass prick of an owner comes back, with his exotic and expensive looking girlfriend in tow. I'd seen them several times before, they were lunchtime regulars at a posh restaurant across the road.
He launches into a "Don't you know who I am you bastard, I'll park wherever I fucking like," tirade, and then starts threatening me while carrying on a steady stream of expletive filled invective. He didn't actually do anything about it though, as I was quite a bit bigger than him.
His unimpressed girlfriend had meanwhile got in the car, so I decided on a different strategy. Ignoring him I walked round to her side of the car and motioned for her to wind the window down, which she did.

"See how this pompous little prick is treating me, even when he knows he's in the wrong? Six months from now, this is exactly how he'll be treating you," I told her. He shut up in mid-sentence, suddenly not sure what to do next.

"Stay here as long as you like. I'm just going inside to get a baseball bat," I told him, and walked off. He was gone a minute later when I came back with the bat.
I saw him several times after that, but I never saw him with the exotic girlfriend ever again, and I never found out who he was.
(, Sat 26 Jan 2013, 7:25, 10 replies)
I agreed with you right up until " baseball bat"

(, Sat 26 Jan 2013, 8:20, closed)
I was a younger, angrier person back then.
I've since mellowed.
(, Sat 26 Jan 2013, 9:31, closed)
Aussie chip on the shoulder amplified by 10, hence the "basebll bt"
(, Sat 26 Jan 2013, 10:27, closed)
Born, but not bred.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 12:14, closed)
Your description of him sounds exactly like my old boss, who lives in Auckland
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 15:09, closed)
Little short guy,
Blonde short wavy hair,side part, big jaw, originally from Blighty but losing his accent to the local kiwi vernacular.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 11:31, closed)
And there I was wondering
how you'd let down someones tyres with a baseball bat.
(, Sat 26 Jan 2013, 13:05, closed)
Bang nails into the end of it.
Then one swipe at the side wall of the tyre does the job.

Ideal for the lorries of fly tippers when they back their trucks into my garden to discharge another 30 tonnes of rubble.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 14:38, closed)
top Honda according

(, Sat 26 Jan 2013, 9:01, closed)

The dent to the ego as you ignored him and stitched him via the girlfriend was sublimely beautiful. I think him realising the cleverness of your simple strategy probably stung him more.
I tip my hat to you sir!
(, Sat 26 Jan 2013, 15:12, closed)

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