Late night bike ride
I once went out drinking one Friday night with some friends, and after the pub closed we all got invited to a party. I thought "we can't got without drink" so I went home, fetched about 2 dozen beer bottles from the fridge, slung them in a pair of carrier bags, one on each side the handlebars of my bike and off I went to the party.

Roll forward several hours and I'm so pissed when trying to ride my bike down a narrow alley that I fell into a hedge, bike and all, at least 3 times, whilst my house mate and her fella were pissing themselves laughing hauling me out of the hedge.

Anyway, we get into a bit of clear space, I get my balance and can suddenly ride again without falling off, so I breezily announce that I'm off to get chips. Housemate starts to go "but I"... and I cut her off and say "it's OK I've got enough"

After riding around town to each chippie and getting more and more annoyed cos they're all shut, the town clock strikes 3am and I suddenly realise what she was trying to tell me before. Arse. So I head off home, clip a kerb, land on my face and skid for a bit. Yikes, that hurt like a mofo.

So I drag myself home with mangled bike, get to the door, covered in blood, and yell upstairs "Jackie! I've hurt meself!"

Jackie comes down the stairs, takes one look at me quietly bleeding away, dripping blood everywhere, and utters the immortal line:

"Where's me fucking chips ya bastard?!"

Oh how we laughed, which just made me hurt more.

To be fair though, she did spend the next hour or so dabbing all of the road out of my face with several wet, blood soaked towels, bless her little cotton socks. I had an ace banana shaped scab from my forehead round to my chin for about 6 weeks.

TL;DR - partying and cycling don't mix terribly well, so let's be careful out there kids!
(morebasheder is still awake, damn it!, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 14:12, 6 replies)

I just want to be the first person to comment on the bit about her dabbing your face with wet, blood-soaked towels.
Because there's one way of reading that phrase that's utterly disgusting.
(Star Wars Starwarsy McStarwars Face, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 14:44, closed)

^^scared of vaginas^^

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 15:02, closed)

You say "scared", I say "sensibly cautious".
I've heard they have very sharp teeth.
(Star Wars Starwarsy McStarwars Face, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 15:07, closed)

I always insist that your mum takes out her dentures first.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 15:22, closed)

*officelol*

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 15:54, closed)

Who doesn't enjoy being smeared with menstrual blood?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 17:02, closed)