Shame
1. Leeds, c. 1995. 7 of us in a room smoking heavily and munchies are attacking. An advert for Mars Bar ice creams comes on the telly and so we instantly require their creamy goodness. I foolishly volunteer for the munchie run.

The list is endless - I stack up two baskets full of crisps, coke, chocolate etc and lay 7 Mars Bar ice creams on the top.

I am sweating with the paranoid effort. As I finally reach the front of the queue and pay for my items, I rush to the door only to hear two girls in the queue behind me and one saying to the other:

"Eyyyeeeeeww! Did you see what that fat bloke just bought?"

Cue laughter from rest of queue. I, have now dropped one of the bags and am fumbling by the exit in shame.

2. London c. 2004. A very mad warehouse party. Annie Mac of Radio 1 fame (although not at the time) is a vague acquaintance and we are chatting away merrily whilst pilled to the nines. I am holding my own comfortably, not letting my usual wit drop despite the huge quantities of MDMA pummelling my system.

Anyway, having convinced myself of my ability to communicate with other people, Annie finally looks at me and says:

"So, do you know you have been staring at my tits without a break for the last 10 minutes?"
( pilchardboy, Fri 25 Nov 2005, 12:03, Reply)