Pathetic Pat
I have only told this once, to cheer up a depressed acquaintance who at 38 was still living with her parents and had only experienced fysical intimacy with her Snoopy collection:

The highlights of my pathetic lovelife.

1) At graduation my maths teacher was chatting and blabblering on at me, not very interesting, so I thoughtlessly turned and turned the rose with long stem all the graduates got, but when he in a low voice said he'd always fancied me I started paying attention and noticed I was in fact sort of screwdriving his crotch. Ah.

2) When I was 16, not entirely sober and having sex with a boy (I was very much in love with, stupidly infatuated etc) in a forest near to the pub a man with a flashlight started looking at us from a few feet distance. After ten minutes, the boy I was with noticed him too and chased him away. He angrily asked why I didn't say anything. "I thought he was the Forestkeeper, counting squirels", I answered, and meant it.
(end of the affair)

3) And yesterday I drank too much and tried to seduce my bf's best mate in front of the bf in a 'that 'll teach him to leave teabags and orangepeels in the sink'-mood. Because I was doing such a terrible over the top seducingjob (was giving it my very best godhonest shot though) they thought I was being funny. My bf's mate said to me that he never thought I had a sence of humour untill now.

Crap.
(muis, Fri 25 Nov 2005, 15:35, Reply)