Shit HolidaysCamping on a dried-up river bed, we discovered when it rained during the night and half of our equipment and clothes were already most of the way to the Irish Sea why you shouldn't camp on a dried-up riverbed. Tell us about crappy holidays.
Suggested by Zuowon
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 10:32)
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'We're going to meet the family you didn't know you had!'Folks wrangled us into a car and drove up from Stourbridge to Morpeth in Northumberland, as this was where my mum's mum was from and she had aunts and uncles up there. It turns out me and my siblings were to be 'presented' to these aged crones and doddering old gits (for whom we always were compelled to send Christmas presents even though we had never seen them).
Now I have not been there in 35 years so perhaps things have improved but at the time it was a grey town with little joy or amusement to the place, grim austerity (well it was the 1970s) and the people we went to 'visit' were incomprehensible (Geordie-like accents), everyone smoked, the properties were like the typical 'clogged with all manner of bad memorabilia and ceramic ornaments', faded 1940s wallpaper and furniture and carpets and broken lights/dark corridors......WOO HOO! A HOLIDAY TO BE LAPPED UP.
Concession time to cheer the kids up- ooh, let's go to the seaside?
YEAAAAH! Beach, swimming, candy floss, arcade machines, donkey rides!
*Arrive at seaside. the North Sea Side. In October.
It's fucking freezing, the wind is cutting through my clothes like a knife, the grey clouds cover up the sun, there aren't even any interesting shells (some sea coal, that's about it) and everything is closed because it is Sunday and it is out of season anyway. the jolly yachts and pedalos promised by my 'Racing To read- A Day At The Seaside' book illustrated was instead populated by distant container carriers and supertankers, slicking up the weakly breaking surf with globs of heavy oil leaking from their tanks.
Final concession to amuse the kids- would you like to visit your auntie Pat at work?
Oh that would literally be ENDLESSLY FASCINATING.
She works in a sweet shop?
TAKE ME. TAKE ME TO THAT PLACE NOW SO THAT I MAY VENERATE THE ELDERS.
You can have 12p to spend.
*Deflates visibly.
So the high point of that holiday was a tube of 'Double Agent' sherbet sweets. 10 minutes later, all done.
Well we better go back home now. You start school again on Monday!
AWESOME.
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Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 15 Aug 2014, 20:41,
12 replies)
Hang on, hang on.
You went from Stourbridge to Morpeth, and you class that as a shit holiday?
I would rather say that it would be a holiday of excellence, a chance to see how bright and wonderful the rest of the world is, rather than the dark, dreary gloom of Stourbridge.
Even the Crystal Leisure Centre failed to make a glint!
(Was brought up not a million miles away from here.....)
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Tesco Quality 60.825659, -0.788337, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 21:46,
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Agreed, every time I go back I look for a spark of interest the best I have to say is 'Oh good, Nicholls and Perks is still open'. /booze.
But to be told 'This is a holiday, it will take up the whole half term but it'll be NICE'.
Couldn't even take my lego with me. Even without the influence of the Catholic priesthood you could still say I was butthurt about the whole week.
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Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 15 Aug 2014, 22:04,
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My nearest resort is Cleethorpes.*cue Python script*
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edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 15 Aug 2014, 22:09,
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I swam in the north sea throughout my childhood and it never did me any harm, you great southern jessie(
Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 23:09,
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I hear the schooling there is excellent.
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Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 23:14,
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It's not my fault,I discovered I was allergic to hypothermia.
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Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 15 Aug 2014, 23:42,
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lol northerner(, Sat 16 Aug 2014, 1:14, closed)
lolstokecouncilhousenotarealdoctoratesnerfsnufflesnerfThere. Now you can concentrate on not getting primula in your typewriter.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 16 Aug 2014, 10:50,
closed)
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