France
In general I've had pretty good holidays, but one in particular stands out.

I'd just become a stroppy teenager and my family decided we would all go to France to stay in a friend's villa in La Rochelle. This meant me and my sister squishing into the back of my Dad's brand-new Ital with my fat aunt for a long drive south in the heat.

The villa itself was quite nice but there wasn't a lot to do in the area and I considered myself too old to play on the beach. I found out that windsurfing is a lot harder than it looks, and that French girls aren't interested in spotty English teenagers. My sister smacked me on the head with a golf club and my dad refused to pay for any decent meals. Things got better when my mad, chain-smoking cousin turned up on his motorbike with his hippy girlfriend, became tense and embarassing when they shagged noisily at all times of the day (the villa had a surprising echo) then got worse when he had a huge argument with his mum (my aunt) and stormed out.

We stopped off at friends on the way home where the friend's son (a bit older than me) tried to sexually assault me before dinner. They gave us a case of wine and some bottles of home-made spirits (the friend was a pharmacist) so my mum was terrorised all the way home in case we were stopped by Customs. The car broke down about 50 miles from home. I don't think we ever left Britain on holiday after that.
(Smale is stuffed, Mon 18 Aug 2014, 9:32, 7 replies)

Your aunt smells of elderberries.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 18 Aug 2014, 10:06, closed)

haha
I clicked i like this.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Mon 18 Aug 2014, 11:23, closed)

Are you saying you would have been ok with him sexually assaulting you AFTER dinner?

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 18 Aug 2014, 14:36, closed)

decorum

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 18 Aug 2014, 14:39, closed)

Wel exactly
He could at least have waited until after the cheese course
(Smale is stuffed, Mon 18 Aug 2014, 19:34, closed)

and a post savoury huff of amyl nitrate

(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 15:18, closed)

After and Over Eights
Not Before and Under
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 18 Aug 2014, 21:22, closed)