Aha, I have a perfect one for this
New year's eve, 2006. Me and my girlfriend are heading down to Devon for a party, and decide to stop at Sainsbury's on the way down to stock up on booze and party food.

Whilst there, I decide to take a dump. Having finished my business, I reach for the toilet paper. There is none in the dispenser, but perched on top is the cardboard tube from inside the bog roll. "Ah great" I think to myself, "I'll just use that." So I reach over and pick it up.

Only the cardboard tube is slightly sticky. As I found to my horror, whoever used the loo before me has obviously had the same idea, and smeared his shit all over one side of the tube, and then placed it back on top of the dispenser with the poo facing away from me. So my palm is covered in someone else's bum marmite. What a cunt.

I've never washed my hands so hard, and I had to travel all the way to the next service station with a slightly pooey bum. The best part was the party, where I introduced myself by shaking everyone's hand. If only they'd known what had happened to that hand earlier that day.
( krang, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 16:16, 3 replies)

lol
'someone else's bum marmite'

*clicky*
(Nogin the Nog is the good one! Beware Nogbad the Bad!, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 16:29, closed)

LOL!
Quality!

Although as you were already in sainsburys why didn't you just go any buy some bog roll?
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 10:35, closed)

You get a click,
for "Bum Marmite", lol!
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 28 Mar 2008, 15:45, closed)