Festival fecal nightmares.
OK, so theres this large music festival in the south of England which used to attract the counter-culture of the time of its inception but now generally everyone who doesnt hate being outdoors, listening to music or getting totally wankered.

Throughout its history, there have always been the issue of where to down trousers once the portable vestibules have reached the point of no return ( basically when you cant lay some cable without dangling your privates in someone elses bum cigars). One of the solutions people have found is a wooded area, which by the time people require a dump au naturelle, is already a steaming river of piss and rainwater.

Now the first tale concerns a gentleman attempting to 'curl one off' into this river and in his attempts to lean back and not dirty his undercrackers actually slipped backwards. Down turd beach and into the mighty river. He actually slid a good twenty feet and was in tears and caked in shit as people tried to help him out by holding big sticks for him to grab onto.

A more disturbing one is a naked hippy guy tripping his bag off, who gathered quite an audience by laying in a river of this sort whilst making sweet love to an inflated balloon.

More recently, last year was a very wet one and the ground around the toilet areas had become a quagmire of mud, poo and piss. A mancunian friend of mine with the habit of whinging a lot, got his foot stuck in a sticky bit and fell faced first into a sloppy bit.

The bystanders did not laugh hysterically as I did when i heard the story, they looked in horror and tried to help as they all knew full well it could have been them.
(greasedupdeafguy broke something, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 11:41, 2 replies)

A mate of mine...
Once broke into said festival with a few of his mates. After several hours sliding past the security patrols and fences and the odd helicopter they were almost there. The only remaining obstacle was a ditch. They clambered through it, marvelling at the thick, glutinous mud at the bottom.
It was only when they got out the other side that they realised exactly what they'd been crawling through.
(Big D, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 18:24, closed)

Amateurs
That's what Tesco in Shepton Mallett is for - shitting.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 16:44, closed)