Cat Fart of Doom

*pop*

Woo, first post! Ever so slightly off topic…

Before I left home for university, my family owned two cats. They were grand, did all the usual catty things and generally, on the surface, all seemed well with them.

Outward appearances can be deceiving.

It was the weekend, and myself and a friend were chilling in my room, when in saunters the male cat, plopping himself at my feet and started to groom himself. A quick scratch behind the ears was all the attention I gave him while I turned my attention back to my mate.

Suddenly, a drawn out, banshee like, high pitch squeal cut through the air, much like the one a balloon makes when you let the air out of it and you pull the neck. It was so unexpected that I almost shat it myself. I look around to see where the hell it was coming from and see the cat with a look of pure terror on his feline face, obviously startled by the strange noise as well. His claws were digging into the carpet, ears flat, eyes as wide as they would go and his head snapping from side to side as he tried to locate the origin of this terrifying, alien sound.

Alas, apparently unbeknownst to him, the source of this noise was emanating from his sphincter.

It spooked the poor mog so much, he sprinted hell for leather out of the room, whilst still farting. As such, there was no escape from the noise, which only spurred him on the more. Seriously, the bugger moved so quickly, the damn thing Doppler shifted, resulting in a bass undertone that reverberated around the walls.

The two of us fell about pissing ourselves at the cat’s misfortune, until the smell hit us. Oh god, did it hit us. I have truly smelled hell. This was the most evil, sulphuric, malignant aroma to scorch itself onto my sinuses. Revolting. Utterly revolting. Words fail me when trying to convey the extent of the fart’s horror.

I remember trying to cover the smell with deodorant which only succeeded in creating a tangy cloying scent which bound itself to the very fibres of our clothes. Not a pleasant afternoon in the end. Thinking back to the cause of the bowel misadventure, the cat food we fed them wasn’t exactly the best stuff: ash was listed as one of the ingredients. Even worse, I hate to think what other subtle shitty tones the cat detected with his superior sense of smell.

Apologies for length etc...
(BaronBiscuits, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:59, 7 replies)

Everyone is looking at me oddly now
as I have the giggles.

*Click*
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 14:11, closed)

I have a vision of a cat zooming around the room like a burst balloon making a 'pweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!' noise...

(LadyTramp79 Left a bit, right a bit..., Tue 1 Apr 2008, 14:23, closed)

manky
I just choked on half digested toffee crisp from laughing so hard.

fond memories of my old manky cat, cat farts stink like a mofo.
(Captain Benzo Panda fighting, live on tuesdays., Tue 1 Apr 2008, 14:55, closed)

Bloody
brilliant - made my day that one
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 16:45, closed)

Rather Tom Sawyer-esque.
One day Tom was in the act of dosing the crack when his aunt's yellow cat came along, purring, eying the teaspoon avariciously, and begging for a taste. Tom said:

"Don't ask for it unless you want it, Peter."

But Peter signified that he did want it.

"You better make sure."

Peter was sure.

"Now you've asked for it, and I'll give it to you, because there ain't anything mean about me; but if you find you don't like it, you mustn't blame anybody but your own self."

Peter was agreeable. So Tom pried his mouth open and poured down the Pain-killer. Peter sprang a couple of yards in the air, and then delivered a war-whoop and set off round and round the room, banging against furniture, upsetting flower-pots, and making general havoc. Next he rose on his hind feet and pranced around, in a frenzy of enjoyment, with his head over his shoulder and his voice proclaiming his unappeasable happiness. Then he went tearing around the house again spreading chaos and destruction in his path. Aunt Polly entered in time to see him throw a few double summersets, deliver a final mighty hurrah, and sail through the open window, carrying the rest of the flower-pots with him. The old lady stood petrified with astonishment, peering over her glasses; Tom lay on the floor expiring with laughter.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 1 Apr 2008, 18:43, closed)

Ash in pet food
Is very common, not just in the cheap stuff. It's also a major cause of cystitis in cats and dogs, I'm reliably informed.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 2 Apr 2008, 10:04, closed)

Cat Farts
Cat farts are the WORST!! Sweet Jesus!!! *cries a little...*
(Jeepgun, Wed 2 Apr 2008, 18:50, closed)