Mrs Devlin
was one of my R.E. teachers, she was fairly young, average looking, with short, dark hair, and she was from Northern Ireland.
Most of our lessons passed by without incident, she taught us all about the five pillars of Islam, the Easter Bunny and Vishnu. None of us were actually interested, but it passed the time.
Until the day that she announced in her broad, Irish accent, that 'Approximately one turd of all...' I can't remember the rest of her enlightening fact, but I do remember that every ear in the class pricked up.
Every child's eyes widened, as they couldn't quite believe what they'd heard. Had they heard it? Had they misheard? -Of course not, this was just the Northern-Irish pronunciation of the word 'third'.

But now every boy in the class made it their goal to get Mrs Devlin to repeat the word,
'Miss, what percentage of european Jews were wiped out in WW2?'
'Miss, can you name a fraction lower than half, but more than quarter?'
'I had a race with two of my friends Miss, they both beat me, i guess that makes me...?'
They'd all ask, getting the same answer every time, 'A turd.'

We'd all try hard to stifle our laughter, and hold back the tears of merriment, until we could explode with mischievous delight outside of the classroom.

Until, one day, a certain Leslie Nielsen released a sequel, the likes of which have never been seen since...

'Miss, what's the name of that film Leslie Nielsen's in at the cinema..?'

'Naked gun,' she said, and we all waited with baited breath, 'turty-tree and a turd.'
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 14:40, 11 replies)

*clicky* even though I'm Irish...
if only the word 'fird' meant something amusing!
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 14:46, closed)

I swear
she is not me.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 14:57, closed)

So if she worked overtime
it would be paid at time and a turd then?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 1 Apr 2008, 15:00, closed)

...
*recites 'tree fellers' joke*

*dons coat*

*leaves*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 15:16, closed)

teeheehee
Strangely I read it and wondered where the poo reference was, thinking maybe one of your friends laughed so much they pooed themselves.

I'm a little slow sometimes.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 15:57, closed)

on rare occasions like christmas or easter
i was made to go to mass as a child and the irish priest did exactly this. it was only his accent that made it bearable.

when everyone else was giving each other the sign of peace, poor old father benedict was walking obliviously around the congregation. "piss," he'd say, beaming happily as he shook hands. "piss." "piss."

he also had an obsession with saying "two towsand years ago". my brother and i used to bet how many times he'd say it per mass. it was never, ever, ever less than three.

"when christ came down from heaven two towsand years ago"...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 15:59, closed)

see, when you patronise the Irish like that
they get very upset. That's why they're always drinking and starting fights.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 16:02, closed)

Ah, Irish priests
All they have to do is say the word "ecumenical" and I'm giggling for the rest of the day.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 1 Apr 2008, 16:09, closed)

hmm
*drinks*
*starts fight*
begorrah.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 16:11, closed)

@CHCB
I'll bet you swing a mean shillelagh!

*ducks*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 16:22, closed)

^
It's hurley sticks, not shillelaghs, where I come from!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 16:39, closed)