christmas - antigua - catamaran
this christmas (2007) i was spoiled enough to get to spend it in antigua. apart from the stupid norovirus knocking me out for a few days, it was absolutely incredible.

early in the holiday, we went on a catamaran cruise round the island. sitting on the edge of the caribbean catamaran, feet in the caribbean water, caribbean waves bouncing and splashing, caribbean sun beaming down - it was glorious. and the crew were lovely, all ridiculously hot 6'3 guys. except the captain, a sweet little old guy with the slowest, thickest, most chilled out caribbean accent you've ever heard.

so towards the end of the holiday, thinner, shaking, stomach raped by the vomiting virus, i thought another day lying on a cat would be the way forward rather than the tropical tree climbing that the family were doing. the crew were pleased to see me again and all was blissfully well. i went to get a drink and a fat, pale but cocky american came over and started chatting me up.

he had not got very far (although about as far as he was going to get) when the little captain came up. he was gibbering with rage and seemed to have grown and swelled to about 15 feet tall.

"you!" he bellowed, poking a shaking finger at the american, who paled and wobbled. "you use de toilet very very bad, mon. der shit all over de place. ALL OVER DE PLACE!"

the corpulent american started to sweat visibly. his ready chat had deserted him.

"you get down dere and you clean it! all of it!" the captain thundered.

then, as if the whole boat hadn't already heard, he picked up the microphone.

"toilets must be cleaned after using them," he announced whilst the american hid his head in his hands. "no leave them covered in shit like dis guy already did..."

sometimes i am very glad i am a girl!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 22:32, 4 replies)

ok, fess up
was it you that did the poo in the loo?
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Wed 2 Apr 2008, 3:53, closed)

and
Did you do any of the crew?
(frankspencer, Wed 2 Apr 2008, 8:58, closed)

oh my god NO!!
it was the men's toilets. and it was definitely him, because he actually went to clean it. well, you wouldn't, would you, if you hadn't made the mess in the first place?

although with 5 enormously well muscled antiguans looking threateningly at you, maybe you would.

it wasn't really that kind of boat, bit public for my liking! but i would have gone out to shirley heights with them as asked if we hadn't been flying home the day before. stupid planes.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Apr 2008, 9:53, closed)

Christmas - Antigua - catamaran.
Three words I would love to hear prefixed by your going to spend.
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Apr 2008, 20:05, closed)