B&Q
Worked there for a few summers and weekends and saw a huge amount of shoplifting. Most people would take something off the shelves, discards the packaging in a remote corner of the shop and walk out with them. But the ones that stick in my mind are:

- The woman who tried to steal a Black and Decker by hiding it in her vagina (the tag was still on it and she had to be strip searched)
- The customer who walked through the checkout with a £200 lawnmower, telling the moron checkout girl that he'd bought it at Sainsburys and didn't want to leave it in his car.
- The guy who threw the security guard down the stairs and had to be restrained by four people. He had stolen a packet of screws costing about 14p.
- The staff, who took pretty much whatever they liked.
- The gangs of pikey kids who come in and nick anything just for something to do.

A security guard told me that most people begin to whistle self-consciously when they're about to nick something.
(frankspencer, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 13:11, 3 replies)

Thanks to your previous comedy answers,
I'm now never sure if you're bullshitting or not when you post something that might actually have happened.

I saw a thing about shoplifters' behaviour on telly - a security guard said that shoplifters put on exaggerated body language in an overcompensatory attempt to appear inconspicuous. One of their tics is to pick things up and put them back on shelves, and wag their fingers at items as though they're trying to decide whether they want them.
( Bob Todd whee, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 13:17, closed)

Now there's a way to kill an afternoon...
...I'm off to B&Q to pick things up and wag my finger while whistling, and see what happens.
(inflateable, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 17:51, closed)

"The woman who tried to steal a Black and Decker by hiding it in her vagina (the tag was still on it and she had to be strip searched)"
I assume this is either bullshit or Britain has much less consumer protection than Australia (I don't know of any store that would strip search anyone, and I don't believe the law allows it).

Also, if not bullshit, I hope the noun left out of the phrase "Black and Decker" is "torch" and not "vacuum cleaner" (B&D haven't made them for a few years, but I do own one).
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 7:09, closed)