Nightclubs, poorly attended bars & hubris
The man we shall call the toaster, for reasons I have never truly understood.

Scourge of numerous Nottinghamshire bars and husbands of sub-milfs everywhere. The guy is cocky and amazingly calm about just picking things up off of tables, like he owned them in the first place. I'm not talking about wallets, keys, watches, things of that nature. Mainly his targets involve drink.

To say he has developed a reputation as being somewhat of a scabby fucker is an understatement to say the very least, he once stopped at the chip shop at the bottom of hurts yard (shop filled alley and general night time urinal for Nottinghams market square)and proceeded to eat chips off of the floor in such a way to get the most attention possible. That was just the way he was and unfortunately at times, remains.

His usual trick when out on the razz was to simply take other peoples drinks rather than buy his own. Of course, this just falls into the category of "cheeky bastard" as opposed to pure unadulterated theft.

Getting onto the good stuff though, his best ones to date so far are as follows: -

1) Stealing a bottle of wine from behind the bar of a busy nightclub. He slipped under the hatch, grabbed it, slipped out and not one person noticed.

2) Whilst waiting for service in a bar, he successfully picked up pints that had been waiting to settle prior to top up, right from behind the bar-man who had just poured them.

3) Walking past a hen party in a nightclub and picking up a full bottle of champagne from a side table they had utilised as base of operations. £40 drink, free of charge.

When he gets truly going, we need never pay for a drink.
( Muns, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 18:25, 7 replies)

Swiping peoples drinks...
... is known as "minesweeping" here in Sheffield.
(SillyMoo, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 18:37, closed)

i did this the other day
but it was more drunken opportunism than outright pikeyness, i think. i'd purchased one pint in a bar before a gig, and noticed in my chosen band-watching position a group of about five people had left various beers and ciders and buggered off. so i just topped up my existing pint from theirs whenever it was running low.

then after the band finished someone returned from the bar with a vodka and coke, plonked it down next to me without taking so much as a sip, and fucked off as well. i was quite intoxicated by that point and i wanted to leave, so i smuggled that one out under my jacket and drank it walking across town. i'm dead classy when i'm pissed, me.
(squirrelking has never seen anyone shit like that before, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 19:29, closed)

^^^ this^^^
I see your classiness and I raise you leaving a bar with two full pints, one in each pocket. Getting halfway down the street and wondering why I was fucking soaking, then remembering the beer in my jacket.

I am truly an elegant sophisticated lady.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 20:23, closed)

I had this happen to me
I was a student and a friend of mine was DJing at the union bar. Bought a fresh pint of snakey b (classy) when he plays the rock 'n' roll Transformers theme, so naturally, I put my pint down and went for a good old mosh, with some air guitar thrown in for good measure. Returned to the table to find some cheeky long-haired hippy fucker drinking my pint. He wouldn't return it, so I tipped it down him and bought myself another.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 20:38, closed)

I'm sure minesweeping is only acceptable when:
-You've run out of money
-You're hammered

The rest of the time, buy your own. I used to* frequent Jesters in Southampton, and they used to have a shelf right next to the dance floor, where people put their drinks so they could dance. A quick walk past, grab a pint and move outside. £10 goes a long way in that place.

*Still do
( Moonraker isn't the droid you were looking for, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 22:25, closed)

Done the smuggly thing too!
Satchel bag, two pints inside so we can finish our drinks at the bus stop. Only one made it all the way due to the glass falling over.

Good times. :)
( Muns, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 22:59, closed)

I've done the pint-smuggling thing too.
Although it probably doesn't count if it's one you've paid for. My denim jacket had an inside pocket just right for a full pintglass. So, on quite a few occasions, we'd get turfed out into the carpark at closing time whereupon I'd say "I've had a brilliant idea." a la Eddie Hitler, produce a full pint glass and neck it while my still-thirsty colleagues glared at me.
(Big D, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 23:21, closed)