Sometimes I'm not as ignorant as my sisters like to think I am.
Sorry for the lack of funny in my posts about my sisters- really, there isn't a lot of warm and fuzzy between them and me. As I said before, they took on very maternal roles in many ways toward me, and dismissed my opinions as a rule as they were older and therefore wiser.

An example: Sister 2 of 3 has two kids who are the World's Most Perfect Children. I don't really dislike the kids themselves- they're annoying at times as all kids are, but basically nice enough- but 2 of 3's attitude toward them was enough to invariably turn my stomach. They were not allowed to watch the cartoons I let my kids watch, such as Animaniacs or Bugs Bunny because they were too violent. If one of them wanted something- say, a kayak- then nothing would do but they had the best and most expensive one out there. And anything that I provided for my kids was, by definition, inferior. The best example of this was the time my sons and her son were going to help out Sister 1 of 3 with moving some rocks on the lake shore- probably a couple of hours of work. I had some SPF 16 sunscreen that I use- I like to get a little bit of color so that I don't look like a typical pale nerdy engineer- and I told them to put that on, as they wouldn't be out there that long. 2 of 3 took one look at what they were putting on and scolded them, telling them that the stuff was worthless and they had to use her name brand SPF 40 sunscreen instead, and wouldn't let them go until they did.

Needless to say, we had a few tangles.

I don't agree with how she's raising her kids, and she doesn't think I'm a very good parent. Sister 3 of 3 and I have had some disagreements as well- she thinks I'm far too strict and demanding of my kids, while I felt that she was far too lenient and spoiling. Both of them lavish praise on their kids, far more than I have ever done with mine, in the belief that this would make them more self confident and successful. They both felt that I was too distant and critical of my kids, and were angered that I didn't think that their kids were the Best Kids EVAR.

So, skip forward a few years.

3 of 3's kids are both unable to stay in college, and are probably destined to lives of wandering from one unskilled job to the next. Not because they lack intelligence, but because they lack discipline and feel that things should be handed to them.

2 of 3's son has finished his third semester at a very expensive private college and has only passed two classes, because he's too busy with his fraternity and with doing odd jobs for spending money to put in work on his classes. He has very expensive tastes, of course, and always has to have whatever he desires at the moment- so he has multiple smowmobiles, uses his sister's car or his dad's van, owns a motorboat that he's fixing up, and so on. He's already got close to $80K in student loan debt, and is going to have to repeat some classes. At $40K a year, that's not good- but he seems not to have a grasp of how much he really owes already.

My oldest is living on his own, cooks for himself and his friends, does his own laundry, lives within his means and is doing reasonably well in the local community college- if he needs to repeat a course it will only cost a couple hundred bucks. He works hard and drives an older used car. I help him out as needed, of course, but have never spoiled him and have always been very honest in my assessments of his abilities, and like to think that he knows his strengths and weaknesses pretty well. I've done the same with my other two as well, and am pleased with how they're developing.

The proof is in the pudding- or in this case, how the child deals with life and the world around them. Be honest with them, don't shelter them, give them the tools they need to survive in terms of knowing the value of money and work and how to care for themselves, and they'll do well. Coddle and spoil them and give them whatever they want, and they'll have a very rough time when they first get on their own.

Age doesn't always confer superior wisdom. Sometimes the "baby brother" knows a fucking hell of a lot more than you give him credit for, and just might know what he's doing.

Good luck with those kids, sibs. You're gonna need it.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 31 Dec 2008, 16:46, 7 replies)

You are Mary Poppins
aicmfp.
(buzzmong procrastinating since 1987, Wed 31 Dec 2008, 19:08, closed)

Hmm
I wouldn't use spf 16 either - just because it's so low protection. Here in NZ burn time is 10 mins, and anything less than spf 30-40 is just useless. The rest of your story is great though :)
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Thu 1 Jan 2009, 7:49, closed)

This was in New York
which is only slightly south compared to England. Not very intense sunlight up there.

Besides, these guys all inherited my skin- I tan rather than burn.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 1 Jan 2009, 22:03, closed)

I like your thinking...
But can't you give them all the tools, and the hugs as well? It does sound like you've found a good balance though, and that's the difficult bit..
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Thu 1 Jan 2009, 15:13, closed)

I like to think that I do.
I'm not always a harsh sort- I do encourage them a fair bit, and try to build their confidence. The thing is, I don't give them false over-confidence by praising every little thing they do.

I guess I'll let them speak for themselves on this issue, as two of them post on here anyway.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 1 Jan 2009, 22:05, closed)

I'm thinking
you're more Sherry Bobbins than Mary Poppins. I use factor 35 minimum on my kids, but we're fair skinned Scots, with a burn time of about, ooooh, 3.5 seconds.

I like your parenting methods better than theirs, though. If you do too much for kids, they'll never learn to do things for themselves. Like stand up to narky old women on buses, for example.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 1 Jan 2009, 15:35, closed)

I'm more Slappy Squirrel than Mary Poppins.
*produces 10' long wooden mallet*

*SPANG!*
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 1 Jan 2009, 21:47, closed)