Heard from my father, the font of all knowledge.
Three guys are wandering in the desert. They're tired, thirsty, and on the verge of keeling over.

Suddenly they see a house. No, it's not a mirage... it's REAL! A REAL HOUSE! IN THE DESERT! WOW!

The first guy knocks on the door, and is horrified to see the oldest, most decrepit woman on the planet. He tenatively asks for some water.

"Sure, if you'll do me."

He vomits and runs away, trying to throttle his brain to keep away the mental images. He tells his companions about it in sickening detail.

"She can't be THAT bad," goes the second guy. He drags himself up to the door and asks for some water.

She gives him a laviscious smile and says that she will give him a hundred gallons, but only if he'd lay her.

He faints dead away and is dragged off by one of his mates.

"Well, sure, I'll take you up on that offer," the third man says, preparing for the worst. She nods and leads him inside.

"Here," she says as they enter the kitchen. "On the table."

She lies down and lifts her skirt, revealing the most maggot-infested minge the man had ever seen. It was wrinkled, bloated, and pimply, with strange, greenish-brown goo flowing from it. She closes her eyes and smiles as he leans over her.

He has no options. He's got to fuck her, otherwise he and the others will die in the worst way possible.

He turns away as he begins to take it out, when suddenly he sees two ears of corn on the counter. He grabs one and fucks her with it, then throws it out the window before she can open her eyes.

"My god," the woman says. "That was the best fuck EVER. Do it again."

"Close your eyes," he whispers. She complies, and he does the deed with the second ear of corn, which goes out the window as soon as possible.

She's writhing with multipule orgasms. Going NUTS. Finally, she gasps:

"There's a Jeep in the backyard, with lots of water bottles in the back, as well as a map in the glove compartment. Thank you so very much."

He goes out the back door, only to find his two friends.

"I got the water."

"Hey, cool. But we just had the best buttered corn EVER."

-----
Needless to say, I was about ten when Daddy dearest told me this. I repeated it for my friends. Unfortunately, my homeroom teacher was also listening in. I got a slap across the face and a week's detention.

Mom wasn't too thrilled when I told it to her, either.
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