Now for a very long one that I know i nicked
One day all the children at school are told they're going to give a talk about what their fathers do, and to make their talks more interesting they should come in dressed, if possible, like their fathers. Now, it happens that one little boy's father is a welder so the little boy comes to school wearing a welding mask.

Unfortunately, he can't see very well with the mask. As he comes out of the house, he bumps into a lamp-post. He bumps into a parked car in the street. He's late for school and he bumps into the school gates, and going into the school he bumps into the wall. In fact, he spends the whole day bumping into things and he's glad when four o'clock comes and it's time to go home.

Anyway, he bumps into the classroom door on the way out and he bumps into the teachers and he bumps into the school gates a second time. And now he's running for the school bus but he bumps into a bus-stop and misses the bus so now he's got to walk home. So he's walking along the pavement bumping into things when suddenly a Mercedes pulls up and a man leans out of the window and says in a slimy voice (as I can't write in one) "Little boy! Little boy! Would you like me to give you a lift home?" Now, the little boy has been told lots of times that he shouldn't accept lifts from strangers but he's tired and he's fed up with bumping into things so he says yes and gets into the car. The door closes and they drive off together.

The two of them drive on for a while, and then the man leans over and he says: "Little boy," he says. "Do you know anything about homosexuality?"

The little boy shakes his head.

They drive on a bit more. Then the driver leans over a second time. "Little boy," he says. "Do you know anything about paedophilia?"

Once again, the little boy shakes his head.

And the driver leans over once again. "So tell me, little boy," he says, "do you know anything about buggery?"

And the little boy says, "No. Actually, I think I should tell you. I'm not really a welder."
(Phagenius, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 21:50, Reply)