Should have worn a helmet.
I used to live in a little side-street just off a big estate in North London, and as such my evenings were plagued by the scourge of all built-up areas, the Scooter Chav. No doubt you're familiar with this odious creature, his 25cc moped "enhanced" by several strategic holes bored in the silencer to produce a sound that goes through your head like a masonry drill, top speed limited to about 15mph by his gurning mate perched on the back, and with all the navigational skill of a concussed wasp - why else would he need to go past my flat every five minutes for six... fucking... hours?

Our local Scooter Chav at the time was a little different. Rather than the traditional moped, he'd opted for the unconventional and obtained himself a quad-bike. It produced a slightly deeper whine than I was used to, but it was no less irritating. It was thus with tremendous glee that, walking back from the chippy on the corner where I'd been idly watching him attempt wheelies as I queued for my nutritious supper, I heard a yelp over the roar growl buzz of the engine. I looked back just time to see him hurtle past, quad-bike at 90 degrees to the ground, a trail of sparks struck from the pavement, and collide dead on with a rather sturdy wall. With all four wheels.

The sturdy off-road suspension handled this quite well, catapulting him a good six feet backwards before the quad-bike slowly, gracefully toppled backwards on top of him.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 14:29, 3 replies)

Hahahaha
Yet another one that I'd have paid to have seen :)
( snee held his breath since, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 15:30, closed)

Click for:
"all the navigational skill of a concussed wasp"
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Wed 27 Jan 2010, 20:29, closed)

Easy solution
Supersoaker filled with piss.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Thu 28 Jan 2010, 0:40, closed)