Colin was obese
I dont mean that in the few too many pies and pints sense of the word, I mean he used crutches to walk, sat with his legs in the quarter to 3 position while his gut hung below his knees.

Put simply every day that Colin arrived at work I was equally surprised he'd survived another night without heart attack and disgusted by the odour that followed him.

It was quickly established that the open plan office wasn't going to be home for Colin and he was stuck in a small office down the corridor. While this may have saved the rest of the office it created problems of its own.

Now I'm sure that being that big comes with its own problems, god knows he couldn't have fitted in any bath tub I've ever seen. However you would expect a certain level of personal hygiene to be essential. I'm not convinced Colin followed that plan. I'm not convinced he washed at all.

Admittedly he was a sweaty bloke, to be fair lugging 30 stone around has got to be tiring, and the heat of the summer sun did nothing to make that easier. That's where the real problem was. Colin smelt terrible.

The vineagar like stench seems to concentrate in that room. I had to speak with Colin most days and noticed things getting worse as the weeks went by.

There was a young temp chap who shared the office. He quit, neglecting to say why at the time but I saw him a month later saying when he got home his clothes, hair and even skin stank of Colin. He was showering every time he got home and could still smell it and just couldn't bear being in the same room any longer!

The turning point for me was one very warm day and I swear inside that room you could actually see the fumes. It was that kind of blurry haze you get from petrol or strong spirits. It made my eyes sting, you could taste it in the air. I had to get out and never go back.

Sorry Colin, I stopped visiting and talking to you because your body odour made me nearly pass out.

Colin claims the best inventions of the 20th century are the mobile phone and fat free toffee yoghurt. I remain clueless as to how it's possible to get that big on fat free yoghurt...
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Mon 20 Jan 2014, 12:19, 11 replies)

The yoghurts might be "fat" free.
But they sure is FULL if sugar.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Mon 20 Jan 2014, 12:39, closed)

He wasn't eating the yoghurt - he was using it to grease his crotch.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 20 Jan 2014, 12:51, closed)

if b3ta had a smell, it'd probably smell like colin

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 20 Jan 2014, 12:52, closed)

He's everything I want
and everything I want to be.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 20 Jan 2014, 13:03, closed)

He was eating the phones

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 20 Jan 2014, 15:22, closed)

Did Colin used to get the bus from Dawlish to Exeter every morning?

( sm.pl.crt.rs I don't fucking know, do I?, Mon 20 Jan 2014, 15:38, closed)

Fucking fat fuck

(boarders You won't catch me with my trousers, Mon 20 Jan 2014, 15:57, closed)

maybe it tastes good on chips

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 20 Jan 2014, 16:07, closed)

Is that...
"Fat, Free, Toffee Yoghurt"?

E.g. large portions, costs nothing, and consists only of dairy and sugar.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 20 Jan 2014, 16:22, closed)

I bet he likes
pickled onions.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 20 Jan 2014, 18:20, closed)

and not ingested in the traditional way

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 21 Jan 2014, 16:24, closed)