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This is a question Your first cigarette

To be honest, inhaling the fumes from some burning leaves isn't the most natural thing in the world.
Tell us about the first time. Where, when, and who were you trying to show off to?

Or, if you've never tried a cigarette, tell us something interesting on the subject of smoking.

Personally, I've never ever smoked a cigarette. Lung damage from pneumonia put me off.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 18:49)
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Parents thought I was chasing the dragon...
When I was 14 my folks found small sheets of tinfoil and matches in my bedroom and instantly leapt to the conclusion that I'd taken up smoking skag like Zammo- they sat me down in grave silence and asked if there was anything I wanted to tell them- well, being a naughty kind of child I could think of ten things to which they would be referring but played mute innocence- until they said "We know you've been using matches and foil. Care to tell us what for?".

Oh shit.

The truth was, I found that if you scraped the heads off the matches into a little pile (about 5-10 was best) and then wrapped them up in tinfoil, then hit the pile with a hammer you actually got a pretty decent sounding bang.

I explained this, ashamed, as their eyes got wider and relief cut in that I wasn't on class A drugs after all. A lengthy silence ensued and then the biggest anti-climax of all time.

"Well- stop it".
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 15:31, 27 replies)
I like it. I did a similar thing - wrapped a match in tinfoil then heated the wrapped end, causing it to light and shoot out like a little flaming arrow.

But I hid the evidence too well to worry my parents.
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 16:05, closed)
i used to make holes in pavements with big nails, fill the holes with the scrapings of matches, replace the nail, then throw heavy objects on top of them. Resulting in a small but satisfying bang. woohoo!
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 16:14, closed)
What is it with boys and explosions. No wonder we've got nuclear weapons.

I still think the world would be a safer place without men.
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 16:20, closed)
In a world without men
who would supply the spunk to keep the human race going?
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 16:54, closed)
If we can send men to the moon, I'm sure we can make our own semen...
We will soon be able to figure that problem out. Don't worry your little head about that.
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 16:57, closed)
If women ruled the world
there wouldn't be war, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 17:20, closed)
You can be damned sure that if women ruled the world..
We'd have found a cure for period pains and hormonal swings by now.
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 17:33, closed)
No you wouldn't...
...you'd make it mandatory for men to have them as well.

I have all kinds of politically incorrect jokes running through my head right now...
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 17:37, closed)
If your idea of getting rid of all men is to send them to the moon, we can get our own back by wanking so hard that our jizz reaches the escape velocity of the Lunar gravity (shouldn't be too hard without atmospheric friction) and heads straight to Earth raining down and giving all women a big cosmic bukkake of Lunar spunk, impregnating them in the process. Half the babies will grow up to be men who will liberate us from our Lunar prison.
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 17:44, closed)
You really need to stop smoking that shit man.
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 17:46, closed)
Good God Mr Loon
Half the population suffering with the mensies is bad enough. The thought of men suffering with them, chaos would ensue as we all know men can't handle prolonged pain.
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 17:48, closed)
Men can put up with sustained pain just as well as women can.
That's why the institution of marriage still exists.

It also explains the success of both soaps and professional wrestling, as watching either is an exercise in masochism...

Oh, and mistaspakkaman? Stop bogarting that shit and pass it over here, willya?
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 18:13, closed)
Marriage is just annoying and not painful, (I imagine, having never been married).
I'm sure you'll disagree with me but try spending a week with constant stomach cramps and a feeling like a red hot poker is being inserted into your vagina whilst dealing with everyday life.

I think you'd cry for your mummy then.
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 18:17, closed)
I've dealt with similar enough sensations
after eating some nachos loaded with jalapenos followed by some chili and washed down with lots of good dark beer, topped off with a bit of scotch. The next morning it feels like giving birth to a flaming lobster.
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 18:21, closed)
Ahem! Mr Loon
1. It's self inflicted.

2. It doesn't last all week and every 28 days for most of your adult life.

I win!
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 18:28, closed)
Some men
would pay good money for that!
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 18:28, closed)
Yeah, well...
...your partner doesn't go from being a calm and reasonable person to being a snappish and weepy walking minefield every month. Us men are pretty consistent. Women, not so much.

I'd rather deal with the abdominal cramps than deal with living with someone who goes off their gourd every 28 days.
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 18:31, closed)
Granted ....
Some women are a little unreasonable now and then and then there's the rest of us who don't get moody but suffer in silence and pain and just get on with their lives.

Hooray for contraception - haven't had a twinge for over 13 years now or a baby for that matter. Yay!
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 18:38, closed)
Okay then...
how 'bout we take all the moody ones who use their menstrual cycle as a license to become miserable cows and toss them all over into Iraq? If that doesn't make al Quaeda surrender, nothing will!
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 18:44, closed)
I don't suffer from PMT any more
She used to give me plenty of grief when we were married, and plenty since we weren't married but since several other male figures in her life have no longer have any influence, i.e. not been in contact for over 20 years or stopped breathing she's actually quite pleasant now. PMT might be the trigger for unpleasantness but it's a bajillion times worse if they've got real grievances to be mad about as well...
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 18:48, closed)
We non moody cows suffer as well.
My best mate used to give me grief every month and then apologize afterwards for her behaviour. She never apologized to her boyfriend though *laughs*
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 18:54, closed)
Never seen the point in that.
If you know at the time that your behavior is appalling, don't do it. And if after having done it twelve times a year for a dozen years you haven't learned that... well, an apology seems to me to be something of a lame half-attempt, a way of saying "yes, I know I'm being a bitch, but it's not going to stop happening so get used to it." Why bother? If someone's going to make no attempt to control their behavior, I have no use for them anyway and even less respect, whether they're male or female. I've had male co-workers who lost their temper on a regular basis and had no problem at all with telling them that I was done talking to them until they could control themselves like an adult.

I have my days of being snarky and unreasonable as well, but I've learned to recognize it when it's happening and either stop doing it or apologize on the spot and then keep to myself until I can be rational again.
(, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 19:11, closed)
Loon, BigGirlsBlouse
It's tough to admit it but the fact is men will never be able to grasp the sheer pain and annoyance of period pains, every month. Conversely, we will likely never be able to experience the wonder of having life grow inside you.

However, it is true that in modern society with the rightful equality of the sexes, men are more pressured than women to be understanding. Our natural affections for pr0n, beer, tacos, football, explosions and yes...Daleks...are ridiculed as us being little boys.

But at the end of the day, our lives are a million times better and more entertaining with the battle of the sexes in them!
(, Tue 25 Mar 2008, 6:00, closed)
I've said it before, and I'll say it again...
Women get periods, Men get itchy balls. We both have our crosses to bear. ;)

Great story, by the way! *click*
(, Tue 25 Mar 2008, 10:00, closed)
I once worked with a woman who suffered badly from her PMS (as did the rest of us). Someone (female I must add) mentioned that in this case PMS stood for Pre-Menstrual Stress. And Peri-Menstrual Stress. And Post-Menstrual Stress. She was a nightmare to deal with at ANY time.

Oh and clicky.
(, Tue 25 Mar 2008, 12:04, closed)
women don't understand the problem of being 14 and having an erection watching tv with your perents for no reason. OR on lopng jouneys in the car or just when your copck feels like it. women just like moaning about fuck all and periods are just and excuse. i try not to speak to my wife when shes on the rag but this can last longer than the average 5 days something up to 3 weeks poor fucking me
(, Tue 25 Mar 2008, 16:48, closed)
@ Athvi
I suspect your wife may be lying....
(, Tue 25 Mar 2008, 19:31, closed)

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