Pickled Onions
Some individuals are of the opinion that this is where it all went wrong for me:

www.b3ta.com/questions/allwentwrong/post1882876

They are incorrect.

THIS is where it really all went wrong for me:

www.b3ta.com/questions/allwentwrong/post1880321

Or maybe this:

www.b3ta.com/questions/mademelaugh/post1804846

Or maybe - no, certainly - this:

www.b3ta.com/questions/shopsandsupermarkets/post1614891

But it's OK because everything is all right now. Everything... all right. Now... Yes, it is. Or it will be, as soon as the other Dr S follows my instructions re. the pickled onions.

As we're on the subject, here is a poem about pickled onions, writteny-witteny by mee-wee. You lucky people!


Pickled onions!
I love their vinegary taste
I love to shove them in my face
I love them! They are fucking ace!
Pickled bastardin’ onions!

Pickled onions!
My Mum makes them every year
When Christmas time is drawing near
They taste GREAT with bottled beer!
Pickled shittin’ onions!

Pickled onions!
Once when sitting in a bar
Drinking beer with Andrew Marr
I wolfed down an entire jar!
Pickled bleedin’ onions!

Pickled onions!
They can cure a nasty cough
See how many you can scoff
Pickled eggs can fuck right off!
Pickled friggin’ onions!

Pickled onions!
Oh no! The lid is firmly stuck!
I can’t undo it! Bloody fuck!
I need my pickled tasty tuck!
Pickled bollockin’ onions!

Pickled onions!
I once dropped one on the floor
It rolled away under the door
My sister found it, BLOODY WHORE!
Pickled fuckin’ onions!

Pickled onions!
Oh, they’re Lush, ain’t they, eh?
They send my blues right away!
I’m gonna eat TWO jars today!
PICKLED CUNTIN’ ONIONS!

----------------
Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings, eat your heart out!

Dr S
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 23:10, 15 replies)

Have a click. And a pickled onion.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sat 22 Jun 2013, 10:49, closed)

Why is this blue name bell end bringing me into his little fantasy life?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 22 Jun 2013, 21:22, closed)

Because I LOVE you
and I want to FUCK you - UP THE ARSE.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Sun 23 Jun 2013, 17:09, closed)

Is that before
Or after he has rammed pickled onions up there?
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 14:23, closed)

After.
My cock is very big so his anal canal will need to be widened to facilitate entry; hence, my exhortation for anal pickled onion insertion.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:12, closed)

But would you remove the onions first?

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 9:51, closed)

Fair enough. I'm very attractive.
But I don't have the first idea who you are so you'll have to join the noob queue. I'm currently up to 2007.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:00, closed)

Don't be afraid.
Be very afraid.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:05, closed)

...
huh?
(Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 10:54, closed)

OH WOW
I've always wanted to meet you! And ask you - where do you get your ideas from?
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 13:02, closed)

I wrote a trilogy of poems about sausages over the weekend.
Which goes a little something like . . .

...this.

I really do love sausages!
They make me scream and shout.
They look like sausages when you eat them.
And also when...you poo them out.

They just make so so bloody happy!
They make me sing, dance, skip and whistle!
When I bite down on those heavenly tubes
Of ground up pig flesh, fat and gristle.

So come on girl, lie down beside me.
Just don't be a cow or a bossy bitch.
All that I need is a kiss from your lips
And an infinite number of sausages.



My sausages are good, they fill me full of glee,
They're long and round and tasty, and very sausagy.
Sausages are fucking great, you know just what that means!
You eat the cunts with some hash browns, and eggs and toast and beans.
I love sausage porn on the Internet, it takes up all my bandwidth,
I have a wank and then I have, a lovely sausage sandwich.
I just fucking love sausages! I am a sausage sucker!
I have to fill my girlfriend's cunt with sausage meat, that's the only way I'll fuck her.




I munch on sausage all day long,
With sausages you can't go wrong,
So happy that I sing this song,
About the sausages issue.
Sausages are my favourite snack,
You try them once you won't go back,
But then you have a heart attack,
Those tubes of connective tissue.

It's sausage time! Hip hip hooray!
Sausages just make my day!
I really love them, I must say:
I'm not a sausage decliner.
They really are a tasty treat,
Made with cuts of grade A meat,
Piglets ears and piglets feet,
And bits of pigs vagina.

I'll tell you what I want to do,
And that's to have a sausage stew,
That's dinner there for me and you,
But you can't cook them in a hurry.
Or grill some, put some in a roll,
Or make a sausage casserole,
And that sounds great, I'll have a bowl,
Or I might just order a curry.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 18:32, closed)

That is
brilliant. APPLAUSE!
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 19:01, closed)

Reminds me of one of my own works....
This won awards!

Scream For Your Sausage

Scream for your sausage!
Cry for your pie!
Fight for your Scotch egg!
Be prepared to die.

Stock up your larder
With wares of all kinds,
Save your left-overs -
Your crusts and your rinds,

For Ivor is coming,
That fat Northern beast -
Ivor is coming!
And he wants a Feast.

He wants twenty chickens
Roasted on racks,
With sizzling bacon
Hot on their backs.

He wants a fresh piglet
Gutted and jointed,
With exotic oils
Its pert rump anointed.

He wants a whole herd
- This beggars belief –
Of homosexual heifers
Turned into beef!

He wants a Scotch egg
The size of the moon!
He wants twenty of them -
And NOW, not “soon”!

He wants your bathtubs
Brimming with beer
(There won’t be room
For baby, I fear).

He wants all the cheeses
Ever devised
Gathered before his
Bulging blue eyes.

He wants tubs of lard
Paraded at dawn
By fit Northern lasses
With buttocks of brawn.

He wants... too much,
I hear you all cry -
Tough luck, you bastards,
He’s that kind of guy.

So scream for your sausage -
It won’t do no good,
Because hungry Ivor
Wants ALL YOUR FOOD.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 19:03, closed)

I like this.

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Tue 25 Jun 2013, 7:38, closed)

Thrilling. Moving. A triumph.
I would advise contacting The Palace before the royal birth this year - I feel sure they would welcome your verse in the media coverage.
( Jabberwoc misses D.R. and Quinch, Wed 26 Jun 2013, 14:25, closed)