I suppose I'm obliged to post here.
I play hockey. Some of you are aware of this. If so, don't bother reading, you know the story. Two and a half years ago in the Scottish National league close season I offered to play for my club's 3rd team just for a run-out. One of the opposition had a loss of control moment and caught me in the face with his stick follow-through. Broke my maxilla, shattered my pallete, took out 4 teeth with a lot of attached bone. That's taken a couple of pieces of emergency reconstruction on the spot then two bone grafts, two implants, fuck knows how many bridges and 2 years to fix. Just before I had the final teeth put in and was free of hospitals and surgery, I took a ball from a penalty corner strike half-way up my left arm. Snapped the unlna and three weeks of pain later I had a 4 inch plate and 6 screws put in to put it back together. In 5 days time I hope to get the all clear from the final x-ray.

In time to play the last game of this season next weekend.

I'm a twat for punishment. But hey, at least I'm fucking bionic.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 17:20, 10 replies)

I really want to appreciate your manliness for the operations and bone grafts and blood
but really? hockey?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 18:11, closed)

Men with sticks and a fuck-off solid plastic ball capable at being launched at you at 100mph?

You're damn right it's manly. I've seen injuries even famously crocked ex-Coventry City player David Busst (look him up if you have a strong stomach) would blanche at, men crippled for life, smashed eye sockets, virtual kneecappings!

Oh and let's not forget ASTROTURF BURNS. :(
(Monchberter Can't go wrong with Doom, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 22:23, closed)

oh, fuck, I'd take losing a limb over the costant astro burns.
Up here we seem to have a higher proportion of water and mixed pitches though, so it's not so bad.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 20 Apr 2012, 9:30, closed)

My elbows, knuckles and knees...
are so red from perpetual astroturf burns from hockey I could pass for Super Meat Boy.
(Monchberter Can't go wrong with Doom, Fri 20 Apr 2012, 19:54, closed)

Grrry.
You have weapons in hockey. What's not to like?

I particulary like it that people consider ice hockey to be hard and field hockey to be wet. Despite the fact the ball travels as fast as the puck, is bigger, and you wear full body armour in ice hockey and some shinguards in normal hockey.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 20 Apr 2012, 9:29, closed)

Have you not thought about something gentler?
Like shinty perhaps?
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 19:07, closed)

Christ
I've managed to regularly partake in skiing, karate, horse riding, cycling and a bit of rock climbing for good measure, and never broken or dislocated a bone in my life.

You haven't got those little crash-test dummy stickers on the side of you head have you, or regularly were a t-shirt with "Aim Here" on it?

Good luck, but I think you need more than that!
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 20 Apr 2012, 7:36, closed)

I raced mountain bikes for years. Downhill for a bit.
I ski off piste and freestyle (badly, admittedly) and I've never even chipped a nail. Hockey is my nemesis.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 20 Apr 2012, 9:31, closed)

I'm certainly not going to try it
Sounds dangerous even being a spectator.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 20 Apr 2012, 9:37, closed)

Reminds me of my friend A
He took a drag flick to the nads. He said he threw up on the spot then collapsed into it. He had to be carried off the pitch, and couldn't stand for a full forty minutes. He was still walking funny days later.
( MatJ LOOK, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 1:31, closed)