Wrong event
In my yoof, I was a fairly decent middle-distance runner. The 1500m and cross-country were my events. In fact, I came third in the north-west cross country regional, and only missed out on competing the national because we were on holiday when it was taking place.

So, when it was school sports day rolled around, what even did our house sports captain (I went to a posh, public school with houses and the like) put me in for? The 200m.

So I go to him and point out that I don't do sprinting, I do middle-distance. He responds with "I don't give a fuck, I've said you're doing the 200m". I say "just swap me with whoever is doing the 1500m" he says "I've already done the list". Looking down the list, I realised he's just gone through the house alphabetically and put everyone's name next to an event. I've ended up doing the 200m by virtue of my surname starting with a letter near the start of the alphabet.

I point out the idiocy of this and he responds with "just do it or I'll fucking deck you"

Fine, I'm doing the 200m.

So the time comes around for me to run the 200m. I find which lane I'm in and set about stretching and warming up, so I don't injure myself in the upcomiing sprint. We are under starters orders, I crouch on the line.

The gun goes off and off I walk.

Yup: walk. I did the 200m at a nice, casual stroll, waving to my classmates as they cheer me on. Near the finish line is my house captain, who has the redest face I've ever seen as he's screaming "RUN! RUN! STOP MESSING ABOUT" so I stroll the rest of the way and finally finished in a little under 2 minutes, making sure I dipped as I cross the line.

I got a detention for that one. It still makes me smile when I think of it now.
(ScousersPet, Fri 20 Apr 2012, 10:22, 4 replies)

Did he get one of the older boys to give you a good bumming as punishment?

( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Fri 20 Apr 2012, 10:27, closed)

I dont doubt you at all, but I would love to hear his side.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 20 Apr 2012, 10:46, closed)

I've been thinking that a lot this week.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 20 Apr 2012, 10:49, closed)

sounds fair enough
He didn't take it seriously, neither did you. 15-love.
(slowly play it cool, Trig, Fri 20 Apr 2012, 22:35, closed)