I get stalked most days
by a very stoned-looking Siamese cat named Thai.

Honestly, I really don't understand it. He's not my cat- he belongs to my girlfriend. She's had him for eleven years now, and he spent all but the last year with her ex. When he didn't want to take the cat to the vet to treat the weeping sores on either side of his face, the Lunatic Artist and I brought him to the vet and kept him- so Thai has only known me for a year, and during the first part of that I was the one keeping him in a funnel collar and helping to scrub his wounds, which by rights should have made him dislike me intensely.



But noooo.

I wake up in the morning to him sitting on my chest, sniffing my lips and tickling me with his whiskers, the scent of cat breath in my nostrils. After I chuck him onto the floor I go to the bathroom- and he follows me in there. If I sit on the toilet he insists on being between my feet. And throughout the whole performance he meows at me- if you can call a Siamese cat's noise a meow. Personally I think it sounds more like Edith Bunker having an orgasm.

Once I get out of the shower and go to get dressed, he jumps on the bed and bats at me with his paw- no, not at that part of my anatomy, just at me in general. He especially likes to catch hold of my hand so he can gently bite my fingers.

When I come downstairs I generally find that he has food and water, so that's not his motive for it. When I sit down to check my email (I have a laptop that I generally put on my knees while I sit in the oversized chair) he insists on lying across my right arm and blocking my view of the lower third of the screen. Should I put the computer on the arm of the chair he climbs up there and lies on my arms there, breathing cat breath in my face as I try to see around him, and occasionally biting my nose.

And yet he doesn't want to snuggle in my lap or be held close- if I try, the tone of his noises approaches Yoko Ono. And he doesn't want anyone else's attention, only mine.

WTF does he want?!?

It's kinda like Teh Fear, only in real life.

And yes, as I've been writing this, it's been through a haze of Siamese fur. I think he knows that I'm talking about him...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 1 Feb 2008, 3:16, 8 replies)

Who's Edith Bunker ....
And how do you know what she sounds like having an orgasm.
( girlinthehole, Fri 1 Feb 2008, 10:49, closed)

*clicks*
It contained cats, therefore I clicked.

Awwwwww.......
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 1 Feb 2008, 11:23, closed)

@ PJM
You're easy to please.






*Manages to avoid making gratuitous pussy comment*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 1 Feb 2008, 11:25, closed)

@PJM
seconded. I miss my cats. But I'm afraid that they would have killed the dog...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 1 Feb 2008, 12:12, closed)

Pffft.
Who's Edith Bunker? Google is your friend, m'dear. If I can figure out who all of these English celebrities are through a quick search, surely you can as well?... *shaking head*

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edith_Bunker

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mO7_uTN_xkU

Watch and all will be explained.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 1 Feb 2008, 14:12, closed)

my adopted cat
will meow at me for no reason. if i try to pet her, she runs off. she will have food, water, toys and an open ground-floor window. i have no idea what she wants and she refuses to speak english. it's very annoying.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 1 Feb 2008, 20:30, closed)

I know, I know.....
I forget I can google people. I'm not a true internet geek.
( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Feb 2008, 12:55, closed)

awwww
always a fan of any good cat story
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Mon 4 Feb 2008, 0:40, closed)