We called her The Beaver
Because she looked like one. Not a young lad in shorts and a green shirt, I mean an actual beaver. She had buck teeth and crazy cat lady hair. She wore an anorak all year round. She tried to find out everything about me by asking my friends, my form tutor, anyone I shared classes with, my sister, etc. When she found out I was born in Glasgow she started talking in a mock Glaswegian accent to the point where words just slurred into each other.
Beaver would try to "bump" into me in the school corridor, "accidentally" touching my rude bits. My friends were quick to catch on, even saying every time they saw her "Awww, she loves you, Veo!" Eventually I left school and thought I had left Beaver behind me.

But no. Beaver had found out which way I walked home from college.

I remember one such day when I was walking down Archer's Road in Eastleigh, down to cross that stepbridge that's been on the news recently. She was walking the opposite way. Archer's Road is quite long, probably about a third of a mile. As soon as she spotted me I saw her hand shoot up to her mouth. Was she... yes. She was rubbing her hand on her lips. I walked further, wondering what the hell she was planning. As I got closer she started to rub her tongue and lips across her palms with such ferocity she must have cut her gums up.

I tried to look forward and pretend she wasn't there. As I approached nearer and nearer I could hear her going "nomnomnomnom". Major alarm bells and warning systems should have been ringing. If this were the Enterprise, the crew would be falling all over the place. As I finally passed her, I realised what she was doing. It was too late. Her hand shot into my right cheek, only just missing my mouth with her Slimy Beaver Spitslap.

It gets worse. I was walking around town and popped into the Game Exchange with my friend Alec**. There was Beaver. She comes right up to me, hopeful gleams in her eyes and says, "It's my sixteenth birthday." Quickly I responded: "Just cause it's legal doesn't make it right!"

Crazy person.
I seem to attract the crazy types. It wouldn't matter so much if they were at least good-looking.
( Grokthought wouldn't pay that for Chinese 5-Spice, Fri 1 Feb 2008, 9:44, 1 reply)

Eastleigh!
Eastleigh's full of nutters, I had the misfortune of working there for about 6-7 months. Orrible creepy place too.

Is there an Archers Road in Eastleigh too? I used to live in the one in Southampton, which had slightly less nutters but lots of rape hotspots :s
(claireyfairy There's a smell in here that will outlast religion, Mon 4 Feb 2008, 0:30, closed)