Mistaken identity
Before any regular readers of my posts accuse me of being a man-hoe, I should say that I've always had a number of close and strictly platonic female pals, some of whom I've shared a bed with in a purely innocent fashion - ie nothing untoward going on whatsoever.

One of my girl-pals could talk for England and we'd usually be the last two awake at a party and regularly used to think nothing of crashing out in same bed. Thing is, I was (and remain) the only male in our circle who'd never dated/slept with/etc her, so naturally it became a topic of gossip.

One evening we were happily lying there talking the sun up when we were interrupted by the sound of cautious nooky going on in the room next door. Being completely unsound of mind and both liberally marinated in alcohol, we set about doing the whole "When Harry Met Sally" thing, me grasping the headboard and tapping it against the wall and her proving beyond any doubt that a woman can convincingly fake it. At no point was there any physical contact between us, I should add and we were both struggling not to laugh.

However it backfired and continues to haunt me.

Fourteen years on I'm still being regularly accused of party misdemeanours with said girl and have apparently had sex with her in the back of a friend's VW camper van. This last revelation is most definitely news to me and my bemused friend. We'd retired to the van post beer where absolutely nothing whatsoever happened, but unbeknown to us some filty bugger had deposited a used condom a few feet away from the van. Plus several witnesses report the van rocking (which it most definitely wasn't!) Coincidence? On my life, your honour.

Note: A rusty VW camper with a pop up roof and more draughts than a real ale festival constitutes an odd place to sleep, especially as it was parked in the grounds of a local nurses home at the time... Again, I do have a perfectly valid excuse for that.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 3 Jan 2007, 13:24, Reply)