Strict ParentsI always thought my parents were quite strict, but I can't think of anything they actually banned me from doing, whereas a good friend was under no circumstances allowed to watch ITV because of the adverts.
This week's Time Out mentions some poor sod who was banned from sitting in the aisle seats at cinemas because, according to their mother, "drug dealers patrol the aisles, injecting people in the arm."
What were you banned from doing as a kid by loopy parents?
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chthonic, Thu 8 Mar 2007, 12:37)
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illBoth of my parents had a long history of mental instability and Christian fundamentalism, and so their rules were predictably weird. They included:
1) Not watching "Knightrider" because Michael Knight was "obviously an instrument of Satan". The red light on Kitt was demonic and his voice was "other-worldy".
2) Not being allowed to ride a bike because "the manufacturers have designed them especilaly to squash your testicles and make a whole genertion of young boys infertile".
3) Making the sign of the cross each time BA Baracus said "I ain't getting on no plane, fool" in the A Team. This was a coded message to killers, apparently. I never asked which killers.
4) Walking only on the balls of my feet in the house because "bad energy travels through the heels and poisons the spine." You should have seen the whole family tip-toeing trhough the house like Scooby and Shaggy in a haunted castle.
5) No Scooby Doo. Dogs can't talk, ergo Scooby was "possessed".
6) I had to put on a northern Irish accent whenever I spoke to the neighbours. This was in order to "confuse them." Unfortunately, I couldn't do Belfast so I had a stab at Dublin: "Could I be borra'in yer lawnmower to be sure?"
7) I had to go to church every Sunday and be a loyal member of the Sunday Club. This meant pretending I liked Jesus when in fact I thought he looked like a poofta in a dress who was a bit too touchy-feely for my liking. (I was banned after I asked to play Herod in the nativity play.)
8) I was forbidden from having or even using a Space Hopper because "they are filled with the fart gas of Chinese people." I did once have an illicit try on one, but was overcome with fear.
9) Computer games would "burn your eyes out of your head and make your winkle shrivel to the size of a desiccated maggot", so I wasn't allowed to play Space Invaders.
10) Worst of all, I was forbidden from nakedness. Nakedness would encourage masturbation, so I wore the same pair of pants for 12 years. By the age of 12, they were so tight that I whistled through my arse when I sneezed.
(, Thu 8 Mar 2007, 15:42, Reply)
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