I hate surprises
I really do. It's nothing to do with this I just hate the whole idea of them.
I LOVE planning them for other people as they seem to make them happy but not me, no thanks. I tend to guess what’s happening and ruin it anyway.
It was my birthday, when we were young and carefree. My bf at the time took me to my best mates house for the evening (I knew it was a party before I got there) and I knew I was going to have to act surprised.
She lived with her parents, and her parents, lived in a swanky bungalow.
It was so delightfully mumsy too. It was typical Liverpool over the top, ‘bling’ before bling was a thing. Big white sofas, lots of Lladro, thick cream carpet, sumptuous and looking expensive.
I came through the front door all innocent and into the hall…oh it’s all quiet and dark, we must just be here for dinner with my one friend
We then came into the living room and suddenly OH GOSH SURPRISE 6 of my mates are here and its all my birthday and amazing!
They threw open the patio doors and 2 others are in the back garden…Setting off fireworks!
OH JOY!
They have ROCKETS! IN MILK BOTTLES…
And there they are ….not secured by soil in any way at all.
They spark into life, as I see myself in slow motion going 'Nooooooooooooo'
One goes into space HURRAH!
One falls over
In our direction
Into the house
OH FUuuuuuuuuuuuck..
And oh fuck it was.
That rocket came to say hello, to the perfectly painted walls, to the nice cream sofa, to the carpet OH THE CARPET. Before it faded with a full hearted smokey burning explosive burning fart into firework oblivion. AND EXPLODED all up in your face and their nice perfect smell burn free living room.
We looked at each other, for what felt like months…..Mouths agape….rigid with fear.
Then I started laughing…I couldn’t stop, and in between crying and laughing, managed to squeeze out a giggling ‘hahahasuprhahahhhhise’!!
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 23:00, 6 replies)

So you did enjoy it in the end?
It sounds hilarious.
( 4Q just lurking, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 23:54, closed)

I did you know
We ate and drank lots and I left before the angry parents came home!
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 0:18, closed)

Insurance paid for it
and then some.
Probably.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 1:00, closed)

Hello Herb
In future I shall read your posts several times. In varying degrees of plain english right through to full on scouse. It could be a gentle liverpool accent suiting a lady, or one that might fit a taxi driver.
(Pill Popper Thank you Sasha Shulgin, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 3:02, closed)

there must be 2 liverpools
this one isn't like that, especially with the Lladro
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 15:22, closed)

Liverpool Irish
I'm not sure if that makes a difference but Oh good god..the Lladro...
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Tue 9 Apr 2013, 21:07, closed)