One of my friends walked into the sharp edge of a 'for sale' sign.
She gave herself a black eye and the rest of us a big scare. By the time we got on the bus she wasn't dizzy any more, but kept fussing about the eye (understandably.) Problem was, this was 2am and I become intensely logical after midnight, and she'd been repeating herself for four hours by this point.

"The most horrible thing," said she, "was the shock. If I had been expecting it, it would have been so much easier to deal with."

"Technically," said I, "If you'd been expecting it, you wouldn't have walked into the fucking thing in the first place, would you?"

I'm now banned from using the word 'technically'. Ever.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 0:42, 2 replies)

perhaps if you were in the habit
of giving her sudden slaps in the face at random intervals, she would learn to watch where she was going?
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Fri 4 Nov 2011, 0:53, closed)

Pfft
I have no excuses for how horrible this story makes me sound.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 10:50, closed)