hold the celebrations
as i've mentioned before, my best friends used to be "adult entertainers" for parties. i would often go to work with them, if we were going out for a drink afterwards.
one evening, we'd been driving all over liverpool, getting jobs done. the last gig of the night was a 90th birthday party and we were running late.
pulling up outside the venue, my mate leaped out of the car, dressed as a fireman. a rather sombre gentleman was there to greet us.
"sorry we're a bit late," my mate says, "it's been a busy night and we're all practically dead on our feet!"
"well, there's no need to worry," the sombre man replies, "i've only come to tell you the party has been cancelled. grandma(who was meant to be the recipient) died this morning."

cue profuse apologies and a quick shuffle back to the car.
as we were pulling away, the driver, unaware that the window was open, said "well, she was 90. she's stiffer now than you would have managed to get!"
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 5 Nov 2011, 14:14, Reply)