The secret telephone switch
Our house apparently has this. It's a rather complicated piece of apparatus, you have to admire the genius at work.

It seems to be wired to the the telephone and activated when you are alone in the house and enter the bathroom. The very instant you you immerse your body in the shower, or place your buttocks on the lavatory seat for some quiet contemplation your peace will be shattered by sound of the telephone ringing.

However - and this is the clever bit - it manages to ring in such a manner as to convince you that a family member or friend is calling you to pass on the sad news of a loved one's sudden departing.

You're given twenty seconds to haphazardly pat dry your soapy self or complete the necessary paperwork before risking life and limb racing downstairs to find the handset, all the time repeating the mantra "ohfuckohfuck" and dodging the many hazards along the way.

*ring-ring*

"fuckshitfuckshitfuckshit!"

*ring-ring*

*beep*

"Hello, please. Can I please be speaking to Mr PJM? Would you be interested in having conservatory extension Mr PJM?"

"You cunt!"

*click, brrrrrrr......*

I'd love to know how else the telemarketing companies conspire to achieve this every fucking Sunday morning?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 20 Aug 2009, 13:00, 8 replies)

"complete the necessary paperwork"
brilliant
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 13:38, closed)

^This, this^
Very much this...
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 16:07, closed)

Obviously
they have tiny spy cameras in your bathroom. Calling you on a Sunday morning and annoying you is only part of their fun. :)
(TuftyBee should have been working on, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 13:58, closed)

Had you perhaps considered
getting a wireless phone?
( 100% Cock Raw like carrots., Thu 20 Aug 2009, 14:49, closed)

^This
Get yourself a couple of DECT handsets, £50 at the most.

I got a pair a couple of years ago and never looked back. Also, a whole lot less unsightly than having phone extensions wired all round the house.
(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_ =o.o=, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 17:35, closed)

or you could
consider not being a slave to the ring, and just don't answer it. If it's important they will manage to contact you somehow.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Sat 22 Aug 2009, 10:40, closed)

When I worked
for th'ambulance service, there was one of these connecting the kettle switch to the activation phone.

Cunts.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Sat 22 Aug 2009, 15:23, closed)

between

my getting cosy in the shower and my mums need to fuck about with the hot and cold taps downstairs either scalding me or freezing me.
(The Cats Twat, Wed 26 Aug 2009, 12:26, closed)