At college...
I was so fed-up with wise-guys messing with my motorbike (hilariously turning-off the fuel tap, putting it in gear, taking the cable off the spark-plug etc. every...damned...day) that I decided to build a "deterrent".

I was doing Electronics at the time - one of those silly subjects they make you do because 3 x A-levels isn't enough (this was back when A-levels were difficult :p) so I thought I'd put my limited knowledge to good use and create some form of zapping device.

I secretly created my zap-o-thon but didn't have the balls to test it (it discharged rather a large shock from 2x 9v batteries) so for some reason, still a mystery to me to this day why, I rigged it up to a metal rod and put that on the teacher's desk on top of the register.
The minute I sat back down, I realised what I'd done and was about to undo it when he walked in. Ooops.

Morning class...
*fzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*
He let out a noise, the likes of which I haven't heard since, no matter how many cats I've sat on.

The room went silent while he traced the wires to my little project, patiently opened the box and examined the circuitry inside and calmly asked "Who did this?"

Knowing I'd crossed that line (again) I stood up.

He disarmed the device, picked it up and walked over and placed it on my desk.
"McFlimby... Right now, I should be shouting at you, or marching you out of this building, but, did you design this... contraption?"
"yes"
"I'm impressed"

He made it quite clear that I wasn't to do anything similar again, but that was it! A total let-off!


Anyhooo, we had a fun week watching from a hidden window as the jokers zapped themselves one by one (it looked a thoroughly unpleasant experience) until I was warned by a sensible friend that if a little old lady brushed past my motorbike and fibrillated her old heart or the zap-o-thon caused a spark in the fuel tank, I would be in big trouble so I binned it but, I never had any more problems with twatty wiseguys messing with my bike again.
Gawd bless you technology!
( Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 13:27, 5 replies)

Thank you
for my first office lol of the day. I only wish I'd been able to concoct something similar to stop the chav cuntsacks on the estate next to mine doing the same thing...

*clicks hard, avoiding wires*
(berk, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 13:36, closed)

'no matter how many cats I've sat on'
gets a hearty click from me.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 14:17, closed)

Not sure this would work
I hate to besmirch the Zak. But where's the circuit for this to work? The metal bar is one electrode but to whence would the juice flow from it through the victim?

Do your bike molesters take off their shoes and socks and obligingly stand on the un-rolled tin-foil that you have placed around your bike?
(karnuvap, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 15:51, closed)

This was about 20 years ago (yipes!!)
so the exact method is hazy but, from how I remember it, there was some sort of capacitor in the box that stored the charge ready to unleash. All I had to do was connect the device (with wire / jumper-cable clip things) to something metal I wanted to be "live".

I can assure you, it did work (without the need for obliging victims - I guess the same way electric fences work without the need to wrap your cattle in foil.)
( Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 17:25, closed)

I must enter a subject
Yup - you'd defo need a capacitor and some form of step-up device for the voltage would probably help too.
(Shippy likes linebreaks and doesn't care what you think, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 14:41, closed)