b3ta.com user Zak McFlimby
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for Zak McFlimby:
Profile Info:

Lanky doofus from Geordieland, UK.

In the event of B3ta Blockage, click the Hummus Generator:

Recent front page messages:

Time to find out if the lady is a tramp

(Wed 15th Jun 2011, 16:04, More)

hehe go Jezza!
He could front the campaign:

(Thu 24th Jun 2010, 11:34, More)

We're not that different really

(Tue 15th Jun 2010, 14:41, More)


(Thu 15th Apr 2010, 11:47, More)

An end-of-day silly. :)

EDIT: My apologies to non-geeks.
(Wed 3rd Mar 2010, 16:50, More)

Oh do hurry up Phillip... we'll be late for the party.

Good 'ning all. Friiiiiiiiday! :)
(Fri 28th Aug 2009, 10:05, More)

(Tue 25th Aug 2009, 15:06, More)

It's not always wartime, sometimes they get to go on their...

(Thu 30th Jul 2009, 12:23, More)


(Thu 9th Jul 2009, 9:39, More)

If you think Twitter is shite now
you should have seen it before the Internet

(Thu 7th May 2009, 10:01, More)


(Mon 16th Mar 2009, 15:05, More)

Arghhh! hehe
Oh, and can I bodge this in here?

(Fri 5th Dec 2008, 14:39, More)


(Tue 16th Sep 2008, 11:57, More)

(Wed 13th Aug 2008, 21:31, More)

Some silliness before hometime

(Wed 21st May 2008, 17:09, More)

The bastards.

(Thu 20th Dec 2007, 15:18, More)

Arghhh! Swim little baby! SWIM!

EDIT: hehe I just scrolled down.
(Thu 20th Dec 2007, 14:36, More)


(Tue 2nd Oct 2007, 11:00, More)


(Mon 16th Apr 2007, 13:46, More)

Good morning!

(Fri 30th Mar 2007, 11:04, More)

(Thu 15th Mar 2007, 13:55, More)

Uh oh.

(Wed 6th Dec 2006, 12:00, More)

Oh no dear, he's wet the bed again.

(Wed 6th Dec 2006, 11:16, More)

(Thu 6th Jul 2006, 16:33, More)

A couple of small tweaks
should bring them back to this century.

(Thu 22nd Jun 2006, 11:57, More)

Ah go on then...

click for bigger
(Tue 20th Jun 2006, 13:32, More)

I had way too much fun making this.

(Fri 10th Feb 2006, 15:19, More)

(Thu 9th Feb 2006, 20:45, More)

...it's fucking cold!

(Fri 9th Dec 2005, 9:58, More)

Clever Chicken.

(Fri 25th Nov 2005, 13:12, More)

They get really excited when you take them out on a raid

(Tue 22nd Nov 2005, 12:52, More)

Leooo... hurry up wiwlll ya?
There's a demo starting at 2!

Click for freepin' huge

(Thu 13th Oct 2005, 12:06, More)

(Fri 7th Oct 2005, 12:20, More)

(Thu 6th Oct 2005, 10:42, More)


(Tue 16th Aug 2005, 10:36, More)

Uh oh... looks like I'm getting a new brother or sister...

(Fri 8th Jul 2005, 15:02, More)

Yes! 84, A new personal best.

(Tue 5th Jul 2005, 13:36, More)


(Fri 1st Jul 2005, 10:22, More)


Edit: Pfffrt. Thanks.
(Thu 30th Jun 2005, 16:20, More)

You bastards. What did you say to him?

(Tue 31st May 2005, 9:47, More)

Go on... Give it a ping

(Fri 11th Mar 2005, 13:09, More)

(Thu 24th Feb 2005, 11:27, More)

(Sun 6th Feb 2005, 18:45, More)

(Fri 28th Jan 2005, 0:26, More)


Click for a nicer 1mb Quicktime Movie version
(Thu 27th Jan 2005, 13:07, More)

They started going extinct in the early eighties for some reason.

(Fri 14th Jan 2005, 15:28, More)

Thanks to being inedible, the defenceless Stringbeastie existed peacefully for thousands of years...
until the arrival of a new species that marked the beginning of the end for these poor little creatures.

(Fri 14th Jan 2005, 14:13, More)

I knew I made this for a reason!

...I just didn't know what it might be at the time.
(Fri 14th Jan 2005, 11:31, More)

(Fri 14th Jan 2005, 11:21, More)

(Thu 13th Jan 2005, 10:44, More)


(Fri 17th Dec 2004, 14:37, More)

Yes, he got in a boat and sailed all the way  round the world to the Arctic just to stick a firework up a Polar-bear's arse. Wouldn't you? (if you were a danger-penguin?)
(Wed 1st Dec 2004, 11:47, More)

Yeah, thanks mum.
...you deaf cow.

(Sun 28th Nov 2004, 12:29, More)

Mwu hahaha-ha-ha-ha-haaaah!

(Tue 23rd Nov 2004, 23:53, More)

Edit: Oh, ta!
(Sat 16th Oct 2004, 20:34, More)

Allow me this one indulgence

(Tue 12th Oct 2004, 13:28, More)

(Wed 15th Sep 2004, 15:31, More)

(Thu 9th Sep 2004, 23:09, More)

I think the marketing boys may have made a blunder
on this one.

(Fri 13th Aug 2004, 10:47, More)

The sick bastard

(Tue 20th Jul 2004, 21:08, More)

(Tue 20th Jul 2004, 17:45, More)

Well, I suppose he was warned.

(Sun 18th Jul 2004, 20:32, More)

...Spidey-sense... tingling...
somebody must be in danger!

(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 21:53, More)

I dunno

(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 0:36, More)

(Fri 9th Jul 2004, 21:13, More)

It's a difficult decision that every parent of newborn twins must make...
EDIT: 100th FP! Thanks!
I'd like to retire now. Can I? Please. I've served my time. Please release me... let me goooo...
(Thu 8th Jul 2004, 14:26, More)

Pedant hunting.
It's too easy - I've caught 4 5 today already!

(Mon 21st Jun 2004, 12:07, More)

(Sun 20th Jun 2004, 12:57, More)


(Thu 17th Jun 2004, 13:08, More)

(Wed 16th Jun 2004, 12:40, More)

Poor thing isn't very well today.
He has been blowing-chunks all morning.

(Sun 6th Jun 2004, 12:27, More)

(Fri 21st May 2004, 12:28, More)

Bloody chemists.

(Tue 18th May 2004, 11:18, More)

Back when I was a teenager,
my specially designed joystick gave me the edge over my friends.

(Tue 4th May 2004, 12:11, More)

Sweets wouldn't be much fun

(Mon 26th Apr 2004, 19:27, More)


click for big

(Tue 13th Apr 2004, 11:27, More)

This compo is in poor taste.
I like it.

(Fri 2nd Apr 2004, 14:24, More)

For Lemony

edit: huh? Oh well, Ta!
(Tue 23rd Mar 2004, 17:16, More)

Much better

(Mon 1st Mar 2004, 12:15, More)

Meanwhile, at moth university...

(Thu 26th Feb 2004, 11:26, More)

Its all fun and games
until somebody loses an eye.

(Fri 13th Feb 2004, 12:26, More)

If only she hadn't woken up...
he could have become a meerkat legend.

(Thu 12th Feb 2004, 11:17, More)

Bloody old people huh?
Cheap buggers will try anything

(Tue 10th Feb 2004, 23:43, More)

Well... thats yer problem with yer matchstick men
and yer matchstick cats and dogs, sir.

(Thu 22nd Jan 2004, 16:00, More)

Aww... he's only ickle
lemme addem! lemme addem!
(Thu 22nd Jan 2004, 10:44, More)

perhaps the most alert and vigilant of all the animal kingdom.

(Sun 11th Jan 2004, 15:13, More)

They know exactly how long it takes for a camera to wind on

(Sat 10th Jan 2004, 0:09, More)


I have the worst hangover I've ever had (at work). Any tips? I want to die.
edit: top tips - you lot really are hangover experts.

(Thu 8th Jan 2004, 9:54, More)

Oh leave him alone!

(Mon 5th Jan 2004, 23:53, More)

A sad day indeed.

(Mon 29th Dec 2003, 11:03, More)

Yay for Christmas.

(Mon 22nd Dec 2003, 11:28, More)

ta for the image Kitty
(Thu 18th Dec 2003, 19:26, More)

They love it when Dad takes them to the seaside

(Mon 15th Dec 2003, 11:02, More)

(Thu 11th Dec 2003, 13:02, More)

Who's a pretty boy then?

Click for bigger.
(Mon 8th Dec 2003, 15:47, More)

(Thu 4th Dec 2003, 11:46, More)

We aren't sure what he is
but he seems friendly enough

Gawd bless ya' kitten-page

(Mon 1st Dec 2003, 20:43, More)

That is my Christmas shopping sorted

(Fri 28th Nov 2003, 11:30, More)

He always gets so excited on his birthday

(Thu 27th Nov 2003, 14:45, More)

we should never have moved into the new offices

(Fri 21st Nov 2003, 11:06, More)


(Wed 19th Nov 2003, 0:20, More)


(Fri 14th Nov 2003, 13:47, More)

I don't think he likes carrots


(Thu 13th Nov 2003, 12:36, More)

Errr.... yeah. Thanks Q.
A useful addition.

Although Miss Moneypenny seems to like borrowing the company car more these days.
(Mon 10th Nov 2003, 10:53, More)

(Mon 3rd Nov 2003, 23:04, More)

I wish he wouldn't do that whenever we want a staff photograph.

(Thu 30th Oct 2003, 13:47, More)

silly moo
(Fri 10th Oct 2003, 16:52, More)

Live report coming in

(Fri 3rd Oct 2003, 11:49, More)

A short story:

(Wed 1st Oct 2003, 21:05, More)

(Wed 1st Oct 2003, 14:58, More)

Now the monocle we could just about take
...but the beanie-hat was a step too far.

(Fri 26th Sep 2003, 11:03, More)

oh Spock...

(Wed 24th Sep 2003, 23:21, More)

London Town, 2005

(Wed 24th Sep 2003, 16:36, More)

I dunno either
No, its not a buffalo. Its a Musk Ox. :P
(Wed 24th Sep 2003, 11:58, More)

I'm afraid the accident was pretty serious,
...but if we can get him into theatre in time, we may just be able to save his sight.

(Tue 16th Sep 2003, 14:02, More)

The Rhinoceros: A majestic beast
...that should be treated with fear and respect.

edit: thanks! 50! Where has my life gone? It used to be around here somewhere
(Fri 12th Sep 2003, 10:57, More)

Oh dear
how terrible

(Tue 2nd Sep 2003, 13:32, More)


(Mon 1st Sep 2003, 11:35, More)

Do you think anybody saw?

who would have thought she was a Jedi?
(Sat 30th Aug 2003, 16:50, More)

It was a really classy flick

(Fri 29th Aug 2003, 13:10, More)

(Wed 27th Aug 2003, 18:55, More)

Oh dear. There has been an accident
Somebody call a (particularly slow) ambulance!

(Tue 26th Aug 2003, 23:15, More)

The boy has got rhythm

(Tue 26th Aug 2003, 16:41, More)

(Mon 25th Aug 2003, 20:15, More)

Mmmmph mmm mummh mmmff!

edit: hehe thanks.
biggie here

(Thu 21st Aug 2003, 13:47, More)

In response to earlier post
(Wed 20th Aug 2003, 14:02, More)

(Mon 18th Aug 2003, 13:03, More)

b3ta reconstruction

(Fri 15th Aug 2003, 10:28, More)

It makes sense now

(Fri 8th Aug 2003, 16:21, More)

He is a strong little fella
but I think he is starting to weaken.

(Thu 7th Aug 2003, 15:22, More)

That cat is always teasing the poor thing

ta for source Hanrahan
(Wed 6th Aug 2003, 12:44, More)

Its not fair!
Heather always wins.

(Mon 4th Aug 2003, 13:38, More)

(Wed 30th Jul 2003, 12:46, More)

Look at that smug bastard
...with his model girlfriend and flashy car.

(Fri 25th Jul 2003, 15:04, More)

Mr Chuzzleton
100% Fact
(Thu 24th Jul 2003, 16:54, More)

You can't beat a good carrion film

(Tue 22nd Jul 2003, 19:53, More)

Kinder Surprise™ II
Nobody said they were nice surprises.

(Tue 22nd Jul 2003, 14:40, More)

Kinder Surprise™

(Mon 21st Jul 2003, 15:15, More)

(Fri 4th Jul 2003, 15:47, More)

I'm going away for 2 weeks! No b3ta! Meep!
(Fri 4th Jul 2003, 12:35, More)

Scientists have made some alarming discoveries
whilst studying the cause of tourette's syndrome.

(Wed 2nd Jul 2003, 13:19, More)

Puff Head

(Mon 30th Jun 2003, 13:45, More)

We used to love it when uncle Freddy came round

(Sun 29th Jun 2003, 14:38, More)

Oh! Mr Potatohead, not again!

(Thu 26th Jun 2003, 15:23, More)

Some people never learn
I am NEVER EVER doing another animation by hand again. EVER you hear me?
(Wed 25th Jun 2003, 11:07, More)

Private Blake was about to play his very last practical joke on the men in his platoon

(Tue 24th Jun 2003, 9:54, More)

Bad doggy!

(Sun 22nd Jun 2003, 12:16, More)

Statue #2

I HATE optimising!
(Fri 20th Jun 2003, 11:32, More)

I subbose you find dat velly fuddy

(Fri 20th Jun 2003, 0:05, More)

The new "Eclectic Chair".

(Tue 17th Jun 2003, 14:16, More)


haha they fight like drunk girls
(Sun 15th Jun 2003, 15:19, More)

The conference was a huge success
but that may be something to do with the mini-pole-dancer on every delegate's table

(Thu 12th Jun 2003, 23:59, More)

Our school had a really cool lollypop man

(Thu 12th Jun 2003, 12:53, More)

They used to have such fun together

(Tue 10th Jun 2003, 12:17, More)

So THAT is what happened to them

(Sun 8th Jun 2003, 14:48, More)


I mean uhhhgh!
(Wed 4th Jun 2003, 20:49, More)

Years of persistence
finally paid-off.

(Tue 3rd Jun 2003, 23:21, More)

A nice trip to the zoo

the images total less than 60k... thats ok isn't it?
edit: FP! Ta!
(Mon 2nd Jun 2003, 16:43, More)

Kangaroo Training
We all have to learn sometime.

(Sun 1st Jun 2003, 13:45, More)

They are all the rage in Paris

(Fri 23rd May 2003, 0:27, More)

Oooh yeah, come on baby!

(Thu 15th May 2003, 21:03, More)


(Fri 9th May 2003, 20:59, More)

Fabergé Potato

spoilt kid's toy
(Thu 8th May 2003, 0:59, More)

the highly competitive world of cheese-curling

(Fri 2nd May 2003, 22:21, More)

It made perfect sense
...at the time.

(Tue 29th Apr 2003, 20:08, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Horrible things I've done to a loved one

It wasn't pre-meditated,
but I was once rifling through the top-draw of junk looking for some money or something, when I came across a box. Without thinking (that's me!) I took out the box, turned to my girlfriend who was sat on the bed and went down on one knee.

"Yes??" *glee hands*
*opens box*
"Have you seen my cuff links? They're ace aren't they?"

I won't fully describe what happened next, but much tears and flouncing was involved (and that was just me).

They were ace cuff links though.
(Thu 16th Jun 2011, 13:48, More)

» When I met the parents

1st time I met my girlfriend's parents
there was a barrage of intense questioning within seconds of arriving

"Have you slept with Julie yet?"
"Do you treat her with respect in the bedroom?"
"Are you ever selfish in bed with her?"
"Have you ever had anal sex with Julie?"

Once they had answered my questions, I agreed to go in and have dinner with them.
(Thu 19th May 2005, 14:38, More)

» Flirting

There's some daft person near me who's flirting with a tree!
On my commute to work, I drive past a tree that somebody keeps buying cards and flowers for!

I dunno what he/she sees in it - it's not even a particularly nice tree (it has a big scorched chunk taken out of one side of it!)
(Thu 18th Feb 2010, 13:57, More)

» Dad Jokes

whenever I annoy him
he dances about, pointing at me and singing "I shagged your mum, I shagged your mum".
(Wed 10th Dec 2003, 13:14, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

I used to have a very stupid dog.
To see if he was completely dense, we tried training him to do a few tricks (sit, roll-over, beg, give a paw etc.) with limited success.

One morning, he was dozing in his favourite spot on the landing at the top of the stairs.
As I passed him, I said "Hello boy! Roll over!" - expecting him to look blankly at me as normal, but on this occasion he performed with instant obedience and rolled-over.
All the way off the edge of the stairs.
And kept on (involuntarily) rolling-over down every stair until he landed at the bottom and learnt a new trick - play dead.

Fortunately, he was ok but I felt really guilty.

He wouldn't do tricks after that. (and I don't blame him).
(Thu 6th Dec 2007, 11:50, More)
[read all their answers]