Terrible ParentingMy parents used to lock my brother, sister and I in the car while they went to the pub for a "quick one" after work. This quick one might last several hours, during which they would send bottles of Indian Tonic Water to us by way of refreshment.
On one particularly cold evening, bored stupid, we lit a small bonfire on the back seat of the car using the cigarette lighter and the contents of the glove box. We owe our lives to passing winos. (BTW: Please no more Maddie or Jesus gags, they've been done.)
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 16 Aug 2007, 9:47)
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Blame it on the mother...Before I became a rock star I used to flog fruit and veg to the local populace. This were none of yer chain supermarkets and fruit Nazis threatening to shoot you if you don't eat 5 a day. This were a proper fruit and veg shop and I stood behind nice high sloping shelves laden with produce, and so if anything came in that was under 3 feet tall, I couldn't see it.
One day a well dressed lady marched in and started enquiring after various vegetable items. I was half way expounding on the virtues of Pentland Javelins, Cox's Orange Pippins etc. etc., when she suddenly started shouting "Wickford! No, put that down... Wickford, stop that. Wickford, come here. Wickford!"
I was about to ask her what breed it was, but just in time I decided to look for myself, and leaned over the sloping shelves to behold... not a dog, but a little boy of about 2 or 3 years old.
Poor little Wickford. He had at least 13 years of ceaseless bullying and humiliation to look forward to. I hope he stuck her in an institution when he grew up. If he didn't end up in one first himself.
(, Thu 16 Aug 2007, 22:15, Reply)
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