Some people.....
.....should simply not be allowed to have kids. When my mother was pregnant with me she met the man who would eventually become my father.

I was 2 years old when my mum and 'dad' got married. They decided that he would legally become my father, owing to the fact that biological daddy was a shit and wanted nothing to do with me. After some minor legal wrangling I was no his 'son'.

Daddy dearest was a paranoid wreck of a human being. This first manifested itself after she went to a New Year's party at my aunt's house. He called shortly before the bells to wish her and her kin all well for the year ahead. He heard laughing in the background and took this as a direct assualt. When she returned home the next day he beat her so badly that she couldn't walk for about a week. He also held me under the water, for I was in the bath at the time, until I stopped moving. Did I mention he was a paramedic??

Over the coming 10 years they had another 3 kids, 'daddy's' paranoia grew worse. He would stop by the house in his ambulance 2 or 3 times a day to catch her cheating on him, which she never did.

I knew what it meant to walk on eggshells before I even knew the phrase. The slightest infraction by me would result in hideous beatings. I remember leaving a book under my bed, something that I did when reading late at night, and he beat me with big heavy fists. Always to the stomach, ribs, back and legs. His favourite thing was to heat the botton of an old bottle on the stove and burn me with it.

My brothers would be chastised regularly, but never to the same extent. It was only recently after reading the 'Child Called It' series that I found out that this singling out of a child is a well known phenomenon.

To date I have about 30 or so scars that I can attribute to him. I still have issues with trust, intimacy and sleeping.

My mother had a far worse time of it than me. I'm terrified at the thought of having kids of my own, what if I turn out like him. Oh, I know I would do my damndest, but what if that isn't enough.

Thanks for reading.
(charliesays, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 0:40, Reply)