Terrible ParentingMy parents used to lock my brother, sister and I in the car while they went to the pub for a "quick one" after work. This quick one might last several hours, during which they would send bottles of Indian Tonic Water to us by way of refreshment.
On one particularly cold evening, bored stupid, we lit a small bonfire on the back seat of the car using the cigarette lighter and the contents of the glove box. We owe our lives to passing winos. (BTW: Please no more Maddie or Jesus gags, they've been done.)
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 16 Aug 2007, 9:47)
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Generational racismI was on holiday with my parents in Greece when we met an American guy who was a professor of economics at some big university. He was also Jewish. My parents being gregarious sorts, they invited the guy and his daughters to a meal.
The daughters were hot. One was a journalist and the other was some kind of artist. To my teenage eyes they were both prime wank-fantasy candidates (as indeed was pretty much any female mammal). But about ten minutes int the meal, the casual racism starts:
Dad: You know, in England, the blacks are taking over.
Mum: Yes, they even have black mannequins in shops!
Dad: I've seen black policemen. And you can't hit them becase that would be racism!
Mum: Yes! And if you don't give them a job, you'll go to prison for racism - even if they're not qualified!
Dad: Yes! And all they want is white women. Their own are too fat.
That's when the professor lost his composure slightly: "Maybe you should put them all in an extermination camp. It almost worked for the Jews."
It was a bit silent and awkward after that. Any chances of a hot, oil-basted threesome with the daughters had gone right out the window.
(, Mon 20 Aug 2007, 10:38, Reply)
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