ROBOCOP
Ben was a bit of a mummys boy. A straight down the middle, no nonsense, salt of the earth type of fella. He spent his time away from the office prancing about in a uniform being a cardboard cutout copper, or to use the correct terminology, a community support officer. He wanted desperately to get into the rozzers so he could punch hippies and plant drugs on ethnic minorities for a living. Ben had absolutely no sense of humor, no sense of fun, and seemed to live, eat, and sleep law and order. I swear that one day when he came into work he sat at his desk and removed his cycle helmet with the aid of a Black and Decker drill, removing the great big fucking bolts that were buried deep in either temple. He really was fucking Robocop. He was also my supervisor.

One time on a slow Friday afternoon we were sat round the office when one of my co-workers, a petitie girl named Natalie who had a bit of a thing for Ben, noticed something sticking out of his bag. “Oooh, Ben!” she cooed. “Is that your uniform?” And it was. A dayglo jacket thing. Ben explained that he’d come straight from working a nightshift as a CSO, protecting and serving, dealing death and retribution to criminals, smashing international drugs rings, giving tourists directions, and so on. Natalie continued: “Do you have any handcuffs?” Oooh, saucy! This got everyone’s attention. I even stopped emailing my mate a photo of an amazing oversized diseased cock I’d found on the internet so I could see how this developed.

Ben explained that he did have some handcuffs with him. Natalie, being a bit of a dirty minx and desperate to sample Ben’s baby maker – fuck knows why - went on: “Could you try them out on me?” Ben blinked. I could almost imagine the little computer printout behind his eyes as he scanned through his internal programming. Natalie’s request didn’t seem to fuck about with his prime directives, so he eventually said: “OK, stand up in front of me.”

Giggling, Natalie went over to Ben’s desk, stood in front of him and held out her wrists. I was quite looking forward to a bit of harmless office bondage, I have to admit. But Ben being Ben had to fuck it up. He reached into his bag, found his cuffs, and then without a word he reached forward in a flash, grabbed Natalie brutally by the arm, pulled her wrist back violently so it was sticking half way up her back at an uncomfortable angle, then with his free arm Ben rammed Natalie’s head forward so it slammed hard on the desk.

SLAP – SLAP !!!

The cuffs were on. Natalie appeared stunned and slightly concussed. “There you go,” said Ben. “That’s how you do it properly.” Fucking nonce, I thought. You’ve completely fucked that one up. I returned to my important diseased cock work. Natalie was released and went back shakily to her desk where she remained, quietly lost in a haze of stars only she could see, until hometime.

When Ben came into work the next day he looked a little flustered. Apparently somebody in the office had rifled through his bag while he’d been in a meeting. This individual had written in permanent marker on the back of his toy-copper uniform jacket: I’M A BIG GAY BEAR !!! And apparently this was pointed out to him by a real copper when he’d been in the police station – after they’d let him walk round like this for a couple of hours first...

Ben was not a happy chappy, not at all.

(Tchh, just can’t get the staff nowadays)...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 15:52, 9 replies)

Brillo!...

Please mate, If you keep going at this awesome rate I'll never get time to catch up over the last couple of weeks.

*Clicks*

*Clicks again*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 19 Jun 2009, 16:09, closed)

I like this
...I too worked with a guy we used to call Robocop, for more or less the same reasons, plus he always wore a Utility Belt with a load of random crap hanging off it.

He's now a great big gay. And a proper policeman, apparently.
( sanityclause is waiting until, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 16:15, closed)

haha, brilliant
*ahem*

“Is that you’re uniform?”
( weaver., Fri 19 Jun 2009, 16:37, closed)

Cheers for the editorial help
Once again, I demonstrate just how much of a fucking idiot I am...

(I'm amazed sometimes I can open doors without the help of a suitably responsible adult). Cheers.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 16:54, closed)

Sounds like a complete tit
Bet you had fun pissing about with him though! *clicks*
(Lizard King, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 16:39, closed)

She fought the law
and the law won - nice post.
(Idiot Child, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 16:41, closed)

Fucking nutter!
he missed out on a bit of premium nookie there, this boss of yours. what a twat. the least he deserved was the gay bear comment. lovely work as always, mate
(Flaming Pie, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 17:21, closed)

What an arse...
I'd already clicked by "I even stopped emailing my mate a photo of an amazing oversized diseased cock I’d found on the internet so I could see how this developed," and it just got better from there.

Truly superb.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 17:30, closed)

Some people just have no hope!
He obviously sounds like prime rozzer material. Nice story as always, mister.
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 17:20, closed)